IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

It is often argued that
music
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 can bring
people
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 of different
cultures
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 and ages together effectively. I totally agree with
this
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 view, as
music
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 can enhance the association between
people
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 and give positive
values
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 to
people
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. On the one hand,
music
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 enhances the
accosiation
Correct your spelling
association
 between different kinds of
people
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. Even a genre of
music
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 with a certain culture or language,
it
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apply
show examples
can still be appreciated by other kinds of
people
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 of different
cultures
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.
For example
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, lots of English songs are still popular in some areas where
people
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 do not speak English. It is mainly because
that
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apply
show examples
though they can not understand the words, they can still appreciate the rhythm.
Furthermore
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, a large amount of good
music
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 which was created
in
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apply
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decades ago is not only popular among old
people
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 but
also
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 among young
people
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. In
this
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 case,
people
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 of different
cultures
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 and ages can love the same genre of
music
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, so it means that they have the same topic to talk about.
As a result
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, it gives them an opportunity to them to chat or make friends with each other.
On the other hand
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, most
of
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apply
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music
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 can provide positive
values
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 to listeners. When composers create
music
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, they always add some special meanings to it, and lots of them are positive.
For instance
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, some
music
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 shows
the
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apply
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racial equality that lets
people
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 respect
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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ones
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apply
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who are different from them.
Also
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, some
music
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 shows the love from parents, so listeners may prefer to spend more time with their families. All these
values
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 from
music
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 can help
people
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 be kind to others and show respect to others. In conclusion, I believe that
music
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 can foster the bond between
people
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 and show positive
values
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 to bring
people
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 of different
cultures
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 and ages together.

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language
Make sure to check for spelling mistakes, like 'association' instead of 'accosiation'.
content
Use more clear examples to support your points about positive values in music.
structure
Try to connect your ideas more logically for better flow.
strength
Your introduction clearly states your opinion about music bringing people together.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • universal language
  • evoke
  • connect
  • diverse audiences
  • cultural exchange
  • generational gaps
  • shared experiences
  • unifying force
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