Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #music #cultures #ages

Nowadays, many

people

hold the view that the best way to connect

people

from various cultures and ages is

music

Change preposition

through music

show examples

And

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

I completely agree with

this

statement,

Correct word choice

and

show examples

whereas

this

essay, I will explore some of the advantages of listening to

music

. Listening to

music

has a lot of benefits for

people

in diverse cultures. The most significant advantage is that

people

can have more topics to talk about with different

people

which

Fix the agreement mistake

who

show examples

have the same favourite songs or singers.

For example

, some of my friends like Taylor very much and once he met his best friend at Taylor's concert.

Although

they came from different countries and had different beliefs, they still made a good friendship at

this

concert. So

music

can build a lot of Listening to different songs

also

has benefits for audiences who are from different ages.

Firstly

, the same favourite kinds of

music

can communicate more with

people

of different ages of

people

, like grandparents and their children or strangers in the street.

Secondly

, listening to

music

is beneficial to physical health,

such

as reducing

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

stress

level

Fix the agreement mistake

levels

show examples

or having a joyful mind all

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

day

while

can make

people

calm down and talk more friendly with others. In conclusion,

music

is not only a good way to make friends with others but

also

the best way to keep mental and physical health. I strongly believe that

music

is essential to our daily life without it, our daily life will be very boring and

also

without happiness.

Submitted by fiasngs on Thu Aug 29 2024

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coherence cohesion

To improve your coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea that is directly related to your thesis. Additionally, use more transitional words and phrases to connect your ideas smoothly.

task achievement

In terms of task response, make sure that you comprehensively address both parts of the task. Specifically, you could add more examples and elaborate on the advantages of music in connecting different cultures and age groups.

task achievement

To make your essay more compelling, focus on developing your points with greater depth and clarity. This includes providing more specific examples and discussing them in detail.

coherence cohesion

Your introduction provides a clear thesis statement, which is good for guiding the rest of the essay.

coherence cohesion

You conclude with a strong summary of your main points, reinforcing your argument effectively.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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9Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

252 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

universal language
evoke
connect
diverse audiences
cultural exchange
generational gaps
shared experiences
unifying force

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Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

Some scientist thinks that there are intelligent life forms on other planets and messages should be sent to contact them. Other scientists think it is a bad idea and would be dangerous, Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Many offenders commit more crime after serving their first punishment. Why are this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

In many countries, plastic shopping bags are the main source of rubbish. They cause water and land pollution, and so they should be banned. To what extent do you agree with this statement?

Human activities have negative effects on the environment. Some people believe it is too late to take measures to prevent animals and plants from dying out. Others think actions should be taken to improve the situation. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.