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Band 7

Too much emphasis is placed on going university for academic study. People should be encouraged to do vocational training, because there is a lack of qualified tradespeople such as electricians or plumbers. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#emphasis #university #study #people #lack #tradespeople #electricians #plumbers
Ever since the beginning of the 21st century, the number of
people
 who go to university for academic study has increased
while
 the number of
people
 who do vocational trading has decreased which has caused a lack of qualified tradespeople
such
 as
electricians
 and
plumbers
. I completely agree with encouraging more
people
 to do vocational training.
Firstly
, the number of
people
 who have vocational careers is the sole reason why our houses are maintained properly, it is because of their vocational training and prior knowledge that we have properly maintained water and electrical supply. Shortages in the population of these
people
 can cause problems on a large scale which could take years to get fixed.
Lastly
, with the rise in
people
 who go to university for academic study, the employment rate and salaries have decreased
whereas
people
 who become
plumbers
 and
electricians
 find it easier to get jobs that pay well.
Moreover
,
in contrast
 to
people
 who work 9-5,
electricians
 and
plumbers
 have more flexible schedules and can balance life and work.
Furthermore
, In comparison to the tuition fees required to complete academic study at a university, vocational training is cheaper and gives a better return on investment.
Plumbers
 and
electricians
 have higher career stability than
people
 who have degrees, which look down on
plumbers
 and
electricians
 who do not.
To conclude
, tradespeople have better career stability and higher pay in comparison to the average job.
People
 need to start realising the need for these professions and encourage their children to take
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
vocational training as they keep our country maintained and safe.
Submitted by satyarthverma88 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. This will improve the clarity of your argument and the reader's understanding.
task achievement
Include more specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument more compelling and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task achievement
Review and refine sentence structures to ensure they are varied and complex, which will enhance the overall quality of your writing.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and complete response to the task, addressing both the advantages of vocational training and the issues related to the overemphasis on university education.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, helping to frame the essay effectively.
coherence cohesion
Main points are generally supported, and there is a logical structure that guides the reader through the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic study
  • vocational training
  • qualified tradespeople
  • electricians
  • plumbers
  • prestigious
  • availability
  • skilled tradespeople
  • economic benefits
  • entry into the workforce
  • educational costs
  • societal needs
  • functioning of everyday life
  • shortage
  • professions
  • potential for high earnings
  • career stability
  • overlooked
  • university degrees
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