It is becoming more and more difficult to escape the influence of the media on our lives. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living in a media-rich society.

In
this
modern day, technology has brought a wider engagement in the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
media
fraternity where it becomes accessible anywhere and anytime.
Media
has been a major tool of communication worldwide and it is key to the entertainment and social side.
On the other
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
it has caused the distraction of cultural values and encouraged moral decadence. On the one hand,
Media
is crucial for communication purposes. News spread quickly through
media
platforms
such
as newspapers and radio. In many cases,
this
has helped to make people
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
aware of the current global affairs,
for instance
, the recent outbreak of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
monkey pox
Correct your spelling
monkeypox
show examples
.
More-so
Correct your spelling
More so
show examples
,
media
entertains people through a number of captivating programs being shown on its platforms.
For example
, travel programs on YouTube where bloggers document their adventurous journeys into new countries. All
this
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
media
beneficial to mankind.
On the other hand
,
media
has caused several cultures to collapse
due to
too much influence from Western countries. Corrupt cultures are using
media
to infiltrate
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
foreign
decent
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
societies and manipulate them.
For example
, the Gay community tries by all means to preach to people
into accepting
Change preposition
to accept
show examples
their deeds. In conclusion,
media
has more benefits as seen
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
how it brings entertainment and its informative nature.
However
, if
media
is not used wisely it can be costly to
out
Correct your spelling
our
show examples
cultures and norms.
Submitted by sisalt100 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your response addresses the question prompt by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of living in a media-rich society. However, you could enhance your task response by providing more balanced and specific examples to support each point. Dig deeper into each aspect and provide additional details.
coherence and cohesion
The essay generally follows a logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, improving transitions between your arguments and points could make it flow more smoothly. Be sure to clearly link ideas within paragraphs as well.
supported main points
While the essay contains relevant content and examples, it would benefit from more specific and varied examples. Try to illustrate your points with real-world instances and studies to add depth to your arguments.
introduction and conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are effective, but the conclusion can be slightly more developed by summarizing the points made more comprehensively.
task achievement
The essay clearly states the topic and takes a stance, which is well-understood.
task achievement
You have included both advantages and disadvantages, providing a balanced view.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly demarcated, helping to frame your essay well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: