Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing (for example, through cell phone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#technology #people #cell #phone #security #cameras #cases #development

In the era of technology, a lot of

people

are getting their cell phones tracked and security cameras breached

while

they are unaware.

this

essay will examine why I think the disadvantages of the development of technology outweigh the advantages.

Firstly

, with everyone having cell phones and access to the

internet

, the number of explicit and inappropriate content has become significantly large.

Moreover

, access to the

internet

has caused

people

to get scammed as the number of fraudulent activities increase.

People

have started to misuse the

internet

by spreading misinformation which can cause mass panic and mislead

people

. Another disadvantage of technology is the addiction it causes which can cause

people

to get distracted very easily and get clouded from their goals

hence

, making them counter-productive.

Secondly

people

are being tracked through their cell phones and are not aware of it,

this

has caused many privacy concerns.

This

due to

the permissions

people

give to applications which can

then

, track them throughout the day.

This

issue has raised concerns for citizens who are affected by

this

situation.

Furthermore

this

information is

then

sold on the

internet

which can cause

people

to have their money extorted by them through means of harassment.

To conclude

, I think that the government should take strict actions and create stricter

cyber-laws

Correct your spelling

cyber laws

show examples

so that

people

can live without worrying. I

also

think that

people

should be well aware of these scams and should get their systems checked frequently for any information

that is

getting leaked and take

necessary

Add an article

the necessary

show examples

action as soon as possible.

Submitted by satyarthverma88 on Thu Aug 29 2024

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task achievement

Ensure a clear and concise thesis statement in the introduction to guide the reader on the essay's main argument. Rephrase the introduction to avoid ambiguity.

task achievement

Provide specific real-life examples to bolster arguments. Examples make your points more convincing and relatable.

coherence cohesion

Use paragraphs effectively to organize ideas and ensure that each paragraph presents a single clear idea. This improves the essay's coherence.

coherence cohesion

Proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and ensure proper punctuation and capitalization, which enhances readability and coherence.

task achievement

The essay presents relevant arguments and acknowledges the privacy concerns associated with modern technology usage.

task achievement

The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay’s main points and provides suggestions for addressing the issues discussed.

coherence cohesion

The essay has a logical progression of ideas, ensuring that the reader can follow the writer's train of thought.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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12Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

258 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 7.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

1. Surveillance
2. Monitoring
3. Cell phone tracking
4. Security cameras
5. Public safety
6. Law enforcement
7. Privacy concerns
8. Personal freedom
9. Autonomous
10. Breach of trust
11. Misuse of information
12. Institutional integrity
13. Psychological impact
14. Mental well-being
15. Societal trust
16. Paranoia
17. Transparency
18. Stringent regulations
19. Criminal deterrence
20. Apprehension of criminals

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