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Band 5

In most countries the number of people owning their own private cars is on the rise Is this positive or negative development?

#countries #people #cars #rise #development
In recent years, the use of personal
cars
 has been increasing. The private
car
 is playing a big role in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. It has both positive and negative aspects. Owned
cars
 have become the symbol of comfort and independence in the modern society. They used them going work,
for traveling
Wrong verb form
travel
show examples
 and
for carrying
Wrong verb form
carry
show examples
 their family in daily life.
Along with
 these, it includes some drawbacks as well. Individual
cars
 give freedom to users to move when they want and where they want.
People
 don't have to adapt
Bus
Change preposition
to Bus
show examples
 and Train
schedule
Fix the agreement mistake
schedules
show examples
. Especially long
distance
Fix the agreement mistake
distances
show examples
 and late times.
People
 provide their comfort when they are travel with own
car
. Arrangement air conditions in the
car
, comfortable seats,
carrying
Correct word choice
and carrying
show examples
 own things make more attractive personal
cars
.
However
, all
this
Change the determiner
these
show examples
 positive aspects
also
 have negatives. It is obvious that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
cars
Add an article
the cars
show examples
 work
gasolin
Correct your spelling
gasoline
 and Diesel, so it leads to
pollution
Replace the word
polluted
show examples
 air.
The
Correct article usage
Cars
show examples
cars
 spread
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
harmful Gases,
such
 as carbon and they cause
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
global climate
changes
Fix the agreement mistake
change
show examples
.
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
show examples
cars
make
Verb problem
cause
show examples
 very
seriously
Change the word
serious
show examples
 traffic jams.
This
increase
Change the verb form
increases
show examples
 the time
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 going to work,
burn
Wrong verb form
burning
show examples
 gasoline and
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 of stress. In
additional
Replace the word
addition
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 saving private
car
 demands a lot of expenses. Fuel, technical service, insurance and repair
Change preposition
of car
show examples
car
Fix the agreement mistake
cars
show examples
 can
serious
Change the adjective
seriously
show examples
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 personal budget. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
although
 personal
cars
 give
convenient
Correct article usage
a convenient
show examples
 life to
people
, but
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 time they
couse
Correct your spelling
cause
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
air pollution, traffic difficulties and high expenses. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 the government take action
with
Change preposition
on
show examples
this problems
Change the determiner
this problem
these problems
show examples
that
Correct word choice
so that
show examples
 they prevent some issues. They should facilitate the use of public transport and increase the use of alternative energy.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and develop it thoroughly. Add more details and specific examples to make your argument stronger.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving sentence structure and syntax to avoid awkward phrasing. This will help make your ideas clearer and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to use proper conjunctions and linking words to better connect sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the logical flow of your essay.
organization
The essay is well-organized with clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The writer presents both positive and negative aspects of owning a private car, demonstrating a balanced view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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