IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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In the ancient years, people used to take part individually to prove themselves best in the nation. Nowadays, it is argued that playing in a
team
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such
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 as a football or cricket is more beneficial as compared to playing individually like tennis or swimming. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views and will give my views, on why playing individually is better than playing in a
team
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. On the one hand, playing tennis or swimming brings many opportunities to rise in their careers. The main important benefit is the winning game's
credit
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 goes to the single
player
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 and he can utilise his name and fame to endorse advertisements and other businesses.
For example
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, Mike Tyson was a famous boxer and he enjoyed his popularity with wealth and respect.
Furthermore
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, another benefit is in a single-man
team
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, the
player
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 does hard
work
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 which gives him
credit
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 and wins many awards so he becomes an icon for adults.
However
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, there are many reasons to play in a
team
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. The main factor is more learning opportunities,
such
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 as junior players can learn from their seniors and become popular in the world.
For instance
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, Ronaldo is a football
player
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 and he plays in a
team
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, where many juniors learn from him new techniques and tips and improve their game.
Additionally
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, in a
team
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 layers learn to
work
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 in a
team
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 and better leadership and lead teams or other businesses.
For instance
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, Virat Kohli, a world-renowned cricket
player
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 ran many businesses and became a successful entrepreneur.
Furthermore
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, In my view, playing individually is always better because in a
team
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 the best performer never gets special appreciation even though he did hard
work
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 to become the best
player
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 in his
team
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. In conclusion, following the analysis,
it is clear that
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 working in a
team
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 gives
credit
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 to the whole
team
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 even if best performed by one or two players.
In contrast
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, playing alone brings full
credit
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 to the
player
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according to
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 his hard
work
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 and training.

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coherence cohesion
Try to ensure that each paragraph is fully developed with a clear main point and supporting details. This can enhance clarity and support for your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to maintain consistency in tense usage throughout your essay to avoid confusion for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Avoid repetition of words and phrases, as it can disrupt the flow of the essay. Use synonyms to keep the content interesting.
task achievement
Include more detailed examples and statistics where possible to strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
task achievement
Ensure that your points are clear and directly related to the task. This can improve the overall clarity and effectiveness of your response.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion that addresses the task effectively.
task achievement
You have included relevant examples such as those of Mike Tyson and Cristiano Ronaldo to support your points, which is commendable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cooperation
  • team spirit
  • sense of belonging
  • community
  • leadership
  • trust
  • collective responsibility
  • dependency
  • self-reliance
  • self-discipline
  • goal setting
  • tailored development
  • flexibility
  • social support
What to do next:
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