IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Recent developments in technology have greatly changed our ways of life in a positive way. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#developments #technology #life
Modern technological developments have considerably contributed to
the
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human civilisation. I strongly disagree with
this
 allegation because it has
also
 endangered the
environment
, and some of the developments,
such
 as nuclear weapons, severely and consistently threaten our lives. The amelioration of technologies for
past
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the past
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 200 years
have
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has
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 often corresponded with the destruction of the
environment
 and, by extension, the earth.
That is
 to say, human beings have obtained
the
Correct article usage
a
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 technological breakthrough by cutting down large
number
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numbers
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 of trees, extracting minerals, and other behaviours. The usage of
petrols
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petrol
kinds of petrol
cans of petrol
gallons of petrol
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, primarily
due to
 the invention of
automobile
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the automobile
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, is
also
 responsible for the enormous amount of CO2 emission, which inevitably damages the
environment
.
For instance
, scores of intellectuals are concerned that the current unsustainable development may cause
the
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irreversible damage to
the
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nature, rendering the earth inhabitable in the near future.
Also
, several technological inventions, namely nuclear weapons, are arguably a peril to our society. As abhorrent records in Hiroshima and Nagasaki denote, the destruction caused by the bombs not only annihilated thousands of citizens but
also
 entailed diseases related to radiation.
This
 acute threat is still omnipresent in the international system.
For example
, the number of those weapons currently exceeds 5000, which can easily generate
a
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enough magnitude to destroy our civilisation multiple times. I firmly disagree with the statement asserting that recent technological improvements have positively affected our lives.
This
 is
due to
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 fact that technologies we utilise to maintain our society are mostly established upon the sacrifice of the
environment
.
Also
, a few of the technological products have been constant threats to our survival.
Submitted by 20dm056e on

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task achievement
While your essay presents a strong argument against the positive impact of technological developments, it is also crucial to acknowledge and briefly discuss the counterarguments. This demonstrates a balanced view, which is often essential for a high-scoring essay.
coherence cohesion
There are a few minor grammatical inaccuracies and awkward phrasings, such as 'obtained the technological breakthrough' and 'rendering the earth inhabitable.' Editing these can improve the clarity and professionalism of your writing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that all paragraphs are fully developed and contain a clear topic sentence, supporting details, and a concluding sentence. Some arguments could be more thoroughly elaborated.
introduction conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, clearly presenting your stance and summarizing the main points.
supported main points
The essay provides specific, relevant examples, such as the cases of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, to support your points.
logical structure
Your arguments are logical and well-developed, particularly your discussion on the environmental impact and nuclear weapons.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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