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Band 5.5

Modern technology has a great impact on our environment. Some say that people should adopt a simple lifestyle to solve this problem, while others argue that the technology itself should provide a solution. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#technology #impact #environment #say #people #lifestyle
There has been an ongoing debate about the impacts of the new
technology
 on our
environment
. Some argue that people should adopt a simple way of life to solve
this
 problem.
While
 others believe that
technology
 itself should be able to provide a solution. In my opinion. We should adopt a simple lifestyle to solve
this
 problem.
This
 essay will discuss both arguments. On the one hand, some modern
technology
 has affected our
environment
 in various ways.
For example
, the machines have been used in many factors, they produce air pollution which is going to harm the plants and humans.
Also
 using cars and
aeroplane
Fix the agreement mistake
aeroplanes
show examples
 frequently. It will affect the
environment
 in many ways.
Such
 as
raising
Correct your spelling
rising
show examples
sea levels.
Moreover
. High temperatures degrees.
Therefore
, we need to adopt a new lifestyle to reduce these dangerous habits.
Instead
 of using a car every
day
Add a comma
day,
show examples
 we can use public transportation.
On the other hand
, some people argue that
technology
 should solve these issues by itself. The primary belief of
this
 idea because the evaluation of
technology
 will increase progressively. So in the future,
it
Correct pronoun usage
there
show examples
 must be solutions to keep up with the development.
However
, I believe that we should not rely on
technology
 to address our issues. We need to be more careful about our
environment
 and start taking action to protect our world. In conclusion. Modern
technology
 has its own merits. But it
also
 comes with drawbacks that can
effect
Correct your spelling
affect
show examples
 our daily routine. And it is on us to prevent these activities from destroying our planet.
Submitted by reem.rz112 on

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task achievement
Your essay covers the main points of the topic, but it could benefit from more specific and detailed examples to support your arguments. Try to include more concrete evidence or case studies to strengthen your points.
coherence cohesion
There are some grammatical and punctuation errors that affect the readability of your essay. Pay attention to sentence structure, and ensure that your punctuation (especially periods and commas) is used correctly.
coherence cohesion
The essay could benefit from more transitions between ideas to improve the flow of information. Try to use more linking words or phrases to connect your thoughts more smoothly.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and align well with the essay topic. This helps provide a coherent structure to your writing.
task achievement
You address both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic. This is important in demonstrating a thorough understanding of the issue.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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