IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

"Many adults nowadays prefer spending their free time playing computer games. Why do they do this? Is this a positive or negative development?"

Freetime is the
time
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 that
people
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 can do something to relax and feel more comfortable after school or work. So some
people
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 often play sports, read books or sleep in during these times.
Besides
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, there are a lot of
people
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 who choose to play video
games
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 for it. In my opinion, they do it because of needs in their life and
this
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 is not only negative, but
also
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 positive development. The following essay will demonstrate them.
Firstly
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, many young individuals are interested in playing video
games
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 because they want to play with their
friends
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. As we can see, there are many
people
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 whose close
friends
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 are far from them so they won’t meet their
friends
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 regularly and playing
games
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 together will help them to talk with each other more.
For example
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, nowadays there is a very famous game that everyone knows about , it is Free Fire. In
this
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 game,
people
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 can play, talk or chat with
friends
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 in their free
time
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 so many individuals play it to spend more
time
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 with their close
friends
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.
In addition
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, playing computer
games
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also
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 helps
people
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 to make new
friends
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. When doing it,
people
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 can send friend invitations to others whom they don’t know and do it with them.
For example
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, from Free Fire, they can chat, and talk with new
people
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 and maybe they can become close
friends
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 so they can expand their relationships more.
However
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, playing computer
games
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also
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 brings both advantages and disadvantages.
Firstly
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, when playing
games
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, we can have
time
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 to entertain. After a busy day, these
games
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 can bring happiness and fun to them through the situations in them.
For instance
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, when
friends
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 play Fireboy and Watergirl, overcoming obstacles together will help them feel happy and bring laughter.
Besides
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, doing it too much can cause addiction to
games
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. Many
people
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 spend a lot of
time
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 playing it without doing outdoor activities and it will cause bad impacts on their health.
For instance
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, nowadays many young
people
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 play Free Fire or Pubg mobile all night without sleeping so the next day, they can’t study or work normally and for a long
time
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 it can have bad effects on their mental health. In conclusion, we can play video
games
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 to entertain or make
friends
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, it is very good for our lives.
However
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, it
also
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 has demerits so we should balance the
time
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 when playing it.

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task achievement
Ensure the introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines your position. While your introduction touches on points to be discussed, making your stance clearer from the beginning can enhance the readers' understanding.
task achievement
To improve task achievement, ensure your conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and reiterates your position. This closing paragraph should tie your essay together, reinforcing your arguments.
coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, aim to make transitions between paragraphs smoother. Use connective words and phrases to link ideas more seamlessly, enhancing the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Incorporate a wider variety of sentence structures and vocabulary to avoid repetition and enhance the complexity and clarity of your ideas.
coherence cohesion
To attain a higher score, ensure that each body paragraph focuses on a single main idea, which is then elaborated with examples and explanations. This clear structure helps in making your essay more coherent and ensuring your points are well supported.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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