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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people believe that advertising is so common , that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #attention
Although
 certain individuals believe
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 publicity becomes a common tool for buying products that
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
make
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makes
show examples
 it become less attractive
for
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to
show examples
 us , I believe that marketing is the most effective way
for purchasing
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to purchase
show examples
 goods
due to
 the advancement in
technology
. On the one hand, the mimic style that the
companies
 adopt in
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 advertising
make
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makes
show examples
 the consumer more conservative about buying goods. Nowadays, the majority of
companies
 embrace
this
 policy of reputation. When a company puts effort and funds
to create
Change preposition
into creating
show examples
 its own publicity, we can see that the competing
companies
 copy
it
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its
show examples
 style, so as
Correct article usage
a
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consequence, there are
huge
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a huge
the huge
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 number of publicities that represent the same product with the same advantages.
This
 abundance
in
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of
show examples
 copied products and advertising
make
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makes
show examples
companies
 worthless in
consumer
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consumer's
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 eyes,
as a result
, less concerned
to
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about
show examples
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 advertising.
As
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For
show examples
example
Add an article
an example
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, recently, Huawei,
same
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the same
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 as Oppo,
company
Add an article
the company
show examples
create
Wrong verb form
created
show examples
an
Remove the article
apply
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advertising
Replace the word
advertisement
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 for their
last
 edition phones that promise the client of
best
Add an article
the best
a best
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 effective camera ,by
consequence
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a consequence
show examples
 both
companies
 face the worst baying session.
On the other hand
, I do believe that
technology
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technological
show examples
 advancement
make
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makes
show examples
the
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apply
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advertising the most successful method a firm could adopt to
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
 goods. An intelligent artificial now with
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 algorithm can predict
people
's emotions and
also
 know what the
people
 need to see and hear in order to buy things.
Moreover
,
this
 algorithm can easily create a new need for
people
. So, with
this
 capacity,
entreprises
Correct your spelling
enterprises
 now
can
Verb problem
apply
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easily fabricate
an
Remove the article
apply
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advertising
satisfied
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to consumers' needs.
As
Change preposition
For
show examples
 example, there is an AI
technology
 called APM Western.
This
 AI has the power
of knowing
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to know
show examples
people
's emotions and feelings with a small conversation. So,
convince
Wrong verb form
convincing
show examples
 the population become possible now. In conclusion,
while
 some
people
 mostly believe that advertising is a common method
Correct pronoun usage
that make
show examples
make
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makes
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 us less concerned about
it
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apply
show examples
for
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apply
show examples
buying things, I fully agree that it is the best tool to boost product sales by using AI
technology
.
Submitted by habal.oumaima on

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task achievement
Ensure clarity in your sentences. Some parts of the essay have unclear references and grammatical inaccuracies that affect readability. Consider revising sentences for better clarity and grammar.
task achievement
Make sure to provide concrete and specific examples that directly support your points. The example about Huawei and Oppo lacks clarity and connection to the central argument. Try to offer more precise and directly relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the logical flow of the essay. Some points are not clearly connected. Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next with clear, transitional phrases.
coherence cohesion
Good introduction and conclusion. You have clearly stated your opinion and restated it in the conclusion which reinforces your argument.
task achievement
You have addressed both views and provided an opinion, fulfilling the prompt's requirements. This is a strong aspect of your task response.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are generally well-supported. Despite some missed clarity, there is a strong attempt to justify your views with reasoning.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
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