IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people believe that advertising is so common , that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #attention
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Although
Linking Words
 certain individuals believe
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 publicity becomes a common tool for buying products that
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 it become less attractive
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 us , I believe that marketing is the most effective way
for purchasing
Change preposition
to purchase
show examples
 goods
due to
Linking Words
 the advancement in
technology
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, the mimic style that the
companies
Use synonyms
 adopt in
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 advertising
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
 the consumer more conservative about buying goods. Nowadays, the majority of
companies
Use synonyms
 embrace
this
Linking Words
 policy of reputation. When a company puts effort and funds
to create
Change preposition
into creating
show examples
 its own publicity, we can see that the competing
companies
Use synonyms
 copy
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
 style, so as
Correct article usage
a
show examples
consequence, there are
huge
Change the article
a huge
the huge
show examples
 number of publicities that represent the same product with the same advantages.
This
Linking Words
 abundance
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 copied products and advertising
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
companies
Use synonyms
 worthless in
consumer
Change the noun
consumer's
show examples
 eyes,
as a result
Linking Words
, less concerned
to
Change preposition
about
show examples
there
Correct your spelling
their
show examples
 advertising.
As
Change preposition
For
show examples
example
Add an article
an example
show examples
, recently, Huawei,
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as Oppo,
company
Add an article
the company
show examples
create
Wrong verb form
created
show examples
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
advertising
Replace the word
advertisement
show examples
 for their
last
Linking Words
 edition phones that promise the client of
best
Add an article
the best
a best
show examples
 effective camera ,by
consequence
Correct article usage
a consequence
show examples
 both
companies
Use synonyms
 face the worst baying session.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I do believe that
Use synonyms
technology
Replace the word
technological
show examples
 advancement
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advertising the most successful method a firm could adopt to
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
 goods. An intelligent artificial now with
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 algorithm can predict
people
Use synonyms
's emotions and
also
Linking Words
 know what the
people
Use synonyms
 need to see and hear in order to buy things.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 algorithm can easily create a new need for
people
Use synonyms
. So, with
this
Linking Words
 capacity,
entreprises
Correct your spelling
enterprises
 now
can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
easily fabricate
an
Remove the article
apply
show examples
advertising
satisfied
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
to consumers' needs.
As
Change preposition
For
show examples
 example, there is an AI
technology
Use synonyms
 called APM Western.
This
Linking Words
 AI has the power
of knowing
Change preposition
to know
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's emotions and feelings with a small conversation. So,
convince
Wrong verb form
convincing
show examples
 the population become possible now. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 mostly believe that advertising is a common method
Correct pronoun usage
that make
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 us less concerned about
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
buying things, I fully agree that it is the best tool to boost product sales by using AI
technology
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by habal.oumaima on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure clarity in your sentences. Some parts of the essay have unclear references and grammatical inaccuracies that affect readability. Consider revising sentences for better clarity and grammar.
task achievement
Make sure to provide concrete and specific examples that directly support your points. The example about Huawei and Oppo lacks clarity and connection to the central argument. Try to offer more precise and directly relevant examples.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to the logical flow of the essay. Some points are not clearly connected. Ensure each paragraph flows smoothly to the next with clear, transitional phrases.
coherence cohesion
Good introduction and conclusion. You have clearly stated your opinion and restated it in the conclusion which reinforces your argument.
task achievement
You have addressed both views and provided an opinion, fulfilling the prompt's requirements. This is a strong aspect of your task response.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are generally well-supported. Despite some missed clarity, there is a strong attempt to justify your views with reasoning.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
Look at other essays: