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Writing Samples
Band 7

Young adults are now choosing to wait until later in life, often until they are in their 30s, to settle down and get married. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

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In
this
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 contemporary world, it is confirmed that more and more young
people
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 are choosing to wait until they reach middle
age
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 before getting married. The main advantages of
this
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 are that they can save a substantial amount of money and give a good education to the
child
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,
while
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health
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 deteriorates with
age
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 and it is better to give
birth
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 early.
Firstly
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, it is confirmed that the late
birth
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 of a
child
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 is beneficial for both the
child
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 and the adult. Adults under 30 years of
age
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 can obtain a higher education and find their calling, which will greatly facilitate their lives in our world.
Moreover
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,
people
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 can save a significant amount of money and purchase a home and a car.
Also
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, with
age
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, they approach
this
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 issue more consciously, understanding the whole responsibility of having a kid.
In other words
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,
people
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 provide themselves and their children with everything vital for a comfortable life. The crucial disadvantage of
this
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 problem is that
health
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 is worsened with
age
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. The later a person gives
birth
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, the worse it is for her
health
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 and the
health
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 of the unborn
child
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. What is more, with
age
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, physical and spiritual strength goes away. Specifically, at the
age
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 of 40, a person is no longer as strong morally as at 20 years old.
People
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 over 40 already want to rest, relax and not have unnecessary problems.
Overall
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, giving
birth
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 later is harmful to the
health
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 of the public. In conclusion,
while
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 the late
birth
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 of a
child
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 brings benefits for their great future, I would
also
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 believe that it harms
health
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, both moral and physical.

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task achievement
While your main points are clearly presented, expanding on them with more specific examples or data would strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Transitions between your advantages and disadvantages could be made clearer to enhance coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structure to improve readability. Simple and complex sentences can be mixed more evenly to maintain reader interest.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid repetition of words and phrases; using synonyms or rephrasing can make your essay more engaging and less monotonous.
general
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your position, which sets a solid foundation for the essay.
task achievement
You have included both advantages and disadvantages, thus addressing the prompt comprehensively.
general
The conclusion effectively summarizes your arguments and restates your position, providing a sense of closure.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Financial stability
  • Emotional maturity
  • Self-awareness
  • Career development
  • Societal pressure
  • Fertility decline
  • Caregiving demands
  • Biological children
  • Familial responsibilities
  • Transitioning into married life
  • Loneliness
  • Societal judgment
  • Traditional timelines
  • Resilient relationships
  • Secure foundation
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