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Band 5

In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative

#countries #people
In various
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 more
people
 prefer to live on their own than they did
it
Correct your spelling
in
show examples
past
Correct article usage
the past
show examples
.
This
 essay agrees that it is a negative trend because it leads to the loss of values and may cause different mental problems. On the one hand, it may
firstly
 seem that living alone has many advantages, but it is obvious that they do not
outweight
Correct your spelling
outweigh
dismerits
Correct your spelling
demerits
such
 as lack of moral and family values in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society. From
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
ancient times
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
family
institution
Fix the agreement mistake
institutions
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 played a crucial role in
Correct article usage
the lifes
show examples
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
 of different
people
. That stayed the same for a very long period of time. Having a family controls
decisions
Correct article usage
the decisions
show examples
 which we make in our
live
Replace the word
lives
show examples
, as
people
 who are not alone understand that have have to think not only about themselves
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 stand by their families. Most of the
people
 who have family have better morals and
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
,
while
 most of the individuals who are alone are more likely to commit crimes, harm, take drugs and so on.
For example
,
statictics
Correct your spelling
statistics
 provided by the Ministry of Justice in
Russian
Correct article usage
the Russian
show examples
 Federation
demonstrates
Correct subject-verb agreement
demonstrate
show examples
 that 71.8% of criminals are lonely
people
.
However
, loneliness may
also
 cause mental illnesses,
such
 as depression. Most of the
times
Fix the agreement mistake
time
show examples
,
people
 who choose to live alone do so not because they want it, but because they have no other opportunity. But if they were given
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to live happily with their partners, parents or children, most of them would choose that. They mostly feel hardship since they have no one
whom
Change preposition
to whom
show examples
 they can talk about their problems,
needs
Correct word choice
and needs
show examples
 or even to share happiness, good news and so on, which
consequently
 leads to depression. Recent researches from Columbia University show that 75.5% of
people
 who suffer from depression are lonely
people
. In conclusion,
this
essays
Fix the agreement mistake
essay
show examples
 strongly believes that
Correct article usage
the
show examples
growing tendency
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
leaving
Verb problem
live
show examples
 alone is a negative trend owing to
loss
Correct article usage
the loss
show examples
 of values and
occurrence
Correct article usage
the occurrence
show examples
 of mental issues.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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grammar vocabulary
Consider refining your grammar and vocabulary usage to ensure clarity and precision in your essay. For example, phrases like 'it may firstly seem' can be improved to 'at first glance, it may seem.'
relevance specificity
Ensure that your main points are supported with more specific and detailed examples. For example, instead of broadly stating statistics from the Ministry of Justice, provide more context or explanations about how loneliness correlates with crime rates.
structure clarity
Your essay has a clear structure with a well-defined introduction and conclusion, which effectively frames your argument.
complete response
You have addressed the essay prompt comprehensively, discussing both the negative aspects of living alone and supporting your arguments with examples.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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