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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The line graph below shows changes in the amount and type of fast food consumed by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000. ▪️Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The line graph below shows changes in the amount and type of fast food consumed by Australian teenagers from 1975 to 2000. ▪️Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#line #changes #amount #type #food #australian #teenagers #▪️summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The line graph illustrates the consumption of fast
food
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as
Pizza
Use synonyms
, Hamburgers
as well as
Linking Words
Fish
Use synonyms
 and
Chips
Use synonyms
 by
Australian
Use synonyms
 teenagers from 1975 to 2000.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the first choice of fast
food
Use synonyms
 among
Australian
Use synonyms
 young people was Hamburger
then
Linking Words
Pizza
Use synonyms
 as a second option,
whereas
Linking Words
Fish
Use synonyms
 and
Chips
Use synonyms
had
Verb problem
were
show examples
last
Linking Words
 desired among teenagers at that time. First of all, the number of adult children who had eaten Hamburgers was increased sharply from approximately 10% in 1975 to 100% per year which considered the highest rate in the consumption of fast
food
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
Australian
Use synonyms
 teenagers attended to bought
Pizza
Use synonyms
 a lot . The ratio of eaten
Pizza
Use synonyms
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
increased dramatically to reach over 80% in 1995 and it unchanged after five
years
Use synonyms
. In the
last
Linking Words
 line which is called
Fish
Use synonyms
 and
Chips
Use synonyms
. It had a fluctuated change during the given
years
Use synonyms
. To elaborate more, young
Australian
Use synonyms
 citizens were admired
to eat
Change preposition
for eating
show examples
 fast
food
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as s
Fish
Use synonyms
 and
Chips
Use synonyms
 in 1975
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 100 per cent, but after 5
years
Use synonyms
 the rate dropped quickly
then
Linking Words
its
Change the pronoun
it
show examples
 grew
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 next 5
years
Use synonyms
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, the time eating
Fish
Use synonyms
 and
Chips
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 1985 to 2000 significantly decreased from under 100% to 39% ( respectively).
Submitted by sheikha1996mohammed on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, such".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words food, pizza, fish, chips, australian, years with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
▼
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