IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Fossil fuels are the main source of energy around the world today. In some countries, the use of alternative sources of energy is replacing fossil fuels.

#fuels #source #energy #world #countries #alternative #sources
Fossil
fuels
 are the main source of
energy
 around the world today. In some countries, the
use
 of
alternative
 sources of
energy
 is replacing fossil
fuels
. These days even though fossil
fuels
 are still the core source of
energy
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
alternative
 sources of
energy
 arise as a replacement. I believe
this
 is a positive change. In
this
 essay, I will discuss why I think
this
 is a good change with some reasons. First of all, fossil
fuels
 give the environment lots of negative effects. Especially oil, which is one of the fossil
fuels
, produced
from
Change preposition
by
show examples
 a few countries.
Consequently
, other countries who can not get oil themselves need to get it by shipping. If the ship sinks, oil will be spread around the oceans and it affects many marine life. Unfortunately,
this
 kind of accident
happened
Wrong verb form
happens
show examples
 frequently.
Moreover
, the more people
use
 fossil
fuels
, the higher the temperature of the earth
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
. When the earth is getting hotter, the ozone layer can be destroyed. Without the ozone layer, including humans, all species in the world can not survive.
Therefore
, finding replacing
energy
 is crucial.
In addition
, fossil
fuels
 are a limited source of
energy
. It means we cannot
use
 them one day and
this
 is a real apocalypse. Most of the machines we
use
 work by fossil
fuels
 so if all fossil
fuels
 run out, our daily life and all companies will stop. For that reason, developing
alternative
energy
 is really important and
this
 is a good way of evolution. In conclusion,
although
 fossil
fuels
 are still important in every way, they affect the environment badly and they will run out one day. To protect the world and to prepare for the worst, finding
alternative
 sources of
energy
 is essential.
Submitted by jyy990608 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your essay sufficiently addresses the task by discussing both the negative impacts of fossil fuels and the benefits of alternative energy sources. However, you could strengthen your argument by providing more specific examples and statistics to support your points. Consider researching and including some real-world examples of countries or regions successfully adopting alternative energy sources.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is generally well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. Nevertheless, to achieve a higher score, work on improving the flow between paragraphs and within sentences. Use more varied transitional phrases to enhance coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
You effectively present a clear stance on the topic and provide reasons to support your opinion, which demonstrates your ability to develop a coherent argument.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding your overall viewpoint.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: