IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

At present the mass media is very influential, and the lives of many people are affected by the news. Why do you think this is happening? Is this a positive or negative development?

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The influence of mass
media
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 is considered a very useful power, as it can be used to make or destroy someone's career. I believe that with time,
news
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channels
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 have downgraded and are headed towards negative development.
This
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 essay will look into why I think
media
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 is going towards negative development.
Firstly
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, with the rise in technology, people have started to stop watching
news
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 on television and have switched to social
media
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, in a desperate attempt to gain viewership,
news
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channels
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 have started to post clips from social
media
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 out of context in order to gain viewership
while
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also
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 defaming someone.
This
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 has a huge impact on people as they form opinions based on
news
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 from
news
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channels
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 and can create a negative following for the person.
For instance
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, I have seen many actors who have been defamed and their careers tampered with just because of mass
media
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.
Secondly
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,
news
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channels
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also
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 have the power to make someone's future because of the influence they have, certain
news
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channels
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 are bought by political parties which
then
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 use them to promote themselves and spread their ideas to the public.
For example
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, I have seen many politicians which are being broadcasted on
news
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channels
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 for the upcoming elections.
Moreover
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,
news
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channels
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 have
also
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 started to spread irrelevant and misinformation which has made them less credentialed over time.
To conclude
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, I think that with the increase of people consuming
news
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 from social
media
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,
media
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channels
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 have started to spread irrelevant and misinformation which has changed their trajectory towards negative development.

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task achievement
While your essay responds to the task and all parts of the question are addressed, ensure the reasons for considering media's influence as negative are fully elaborated. Provide more specific examples or data to support your points.
task achievement
Your ideas are generally clear but some sentences could benefit from restructuring. For instance, the first sentence of the essay could be more direct. Consider breaking complex sentences into shorter, more manageable ones.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure with clear introduction and conclusion. However, ensure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Using transition words like 'Furthermore,' 'In addition,' or 'However,' can help with this.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main ideas more fully in each paragraph. For example, when mentioning defamed actors, provide a specific case or event to make it more compelling.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both parts of the question and provides a clear stance on the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are both present and effectively summarize your points.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logical and easy to follow, with each paragraph addressing a distinct point.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • mass media
  • influential
  • current events
  • global issues
  • technological advancements
  • accessibility
  • proliferation
  • instant access
  • agenda-setting
  • public discourse
  • 24/7 news cycle
  • social media integration
  • bombarded
  • personalization
  • curate
  • algorithms
  • user preferences
  • beliefs
  • viewpoints
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