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Writing Samples
Band 7

The pie chart shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during 1990s. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during 1990s. Summaries the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie chart illustrates the global
degradation
Use synonyms
 of agricultural
land
Use synonyms
 worldwide which was driven by three main
factors
Use synonyms
. The table shows the three affected
regions
Use synonyms
 by the causes in the 1990s. When considered together, there is no correlation between the two sets of data. Globally, there are four main causes of unproductive
land
Use synonyms
, including overgrazing at 35%,
deforestation
Use synonyms
 at 30%,
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
 at 28%, and other
factors
Use synonyms
 at 7%.
However
Linking Words
, these four
factors
Use synonyms
 do not directly affect the
land
Use synonyms
 in the three
regions
Use synonyms
. First,
land
Use synonyms
degradation
Use synonyms
 was caused by different
factors
Use synonyms
 in some
regions
Use synonyms
. In Europe,
deforestation
Use synonyms
 was the leading factor responsible for the total
land
Use synonyms
 degraded at 23% with 9.8%
deforestation
Use synonyms
, followed by
over-cultivation
Use synonyms
 at 7.7%, and over-grazing had a small contribution at 5.5%. In Oceania, over-grazing was the most significant cause of
land
Use synonyms
degradation
Use synonyms
, affecting by11.3%,
while
Linking Words
deforestation
Use synonyms
 had a minor impact at 1.7%.
Over-cultivation
Use synonyms
 did not contribute to
land
Use synonyms
degradation
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 region, resulting in a total
degradation
Use synonyms
 of 13%. North America had less unproductive
land
Use synonyms
 with a total of 5%.
Over-cultivation
Use synonyms
 had the largest impact at 3.3%,
while
Linking Words
 over-grazing caused 1.5%, and
deforestation
Use synonyms
 was less significant at 0.2% of
degradation
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, over-grazing and
deforestation
Use synonyms
 were the leading causes of
land
Use synonyms
degradation
Use synonyms
 globally, but have varied significantly across different
regions
Use synonyms
.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words degradation, land, factors, regions, deforestation, over-cultivation with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • agricultural land
  • productivity
  • geographical focus
  • leading causes
  • diminished
  • significant factors
  • impact
  • prevalent
  • statistics
  • trend
  • usage
  • unexpected findings
  • agricultural practices
  • environmental conditions
  • pie chart
  • table
  • regions
  • 1990s
  • summarize
  • report
  • main features
  • comparisons
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