Nowadays many young people are going to other countries for their future. What are the reasons for it? How it will be in 30 years?
It is believed by many youngsters
taht
travelling abroad Correct your spelling
that
wil
create several opportunities in terms of work and health care. Correct your spelling
will
On the other hand
, others argue that staying staying
in the country makes the citizen more Remove the redundancy
apply
privilage
than foreigners, which is the most effective way to secure one's future.
Correct your spelling
privileged
To begin
with, many adults are forced to leave their countries due to
the
economic circumstances and Correct article usage
apply
the
financial burdens. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, the deficiency in employment in poor countries, such
as India and Bangladish
, led to the increase Correct your spelling
Bangladesh
inn
travelling demand. Correct your spelling
in
Addind
to that, political issues and wars were the primary causes Correct your spelling
Adding
to
the rise in the average Change preposition
of
refuge
rates in the past few years. Correct your spelling
refugee
Moreover
, the. vast majority of individuals are convinced that studying and working abroad play a vital role in devloping
skills, Correct your spelling
developing
such
as communication and adaptability skills.
As a result
, the
developed countries could experience overpopulation in the future as the number of both citizens and foreigners Correct article usage
apply
are
growing. Correct subject-verb agreement
is
Furthermore
, governments would benefit when rasing
Correct your spelling
raising
the
taxes, which in turn Correct article usage
apply
impact
Correct subject-verb agreement
impacts
the
economic advancement. In Correct article usage
apply
addtion
to that, unfortunate people who were not capable Correct your spelling
addition
to afford
the travelling paymentsChange preposition
of affording
,
would be stuck in the same spot not able to get into higher ranks.
Remove the comma
apply
To sum
up
everything that has been stated, there are various reasons that Add a comma
up,
ecouraged
young people to take Correct your spelling
encouraged
encourage
this
step. Therefore
, travelling outside the country has significant concequences
after some period of time.Correct your spelling
consequences
Submitted by jenakhalil07 on
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grammar
Work on grammatical accuracy: There are several minor errors and more significant mistakes, such as 'addind to that' instead of 'adding to that' and 'inn' instead of 'in'. These errors can distract the reader and reduce clarity.
content
Develop and support main points further: While the essay addresses the topic and provides reasons for young people going abroad, the arguments could be elaborated more fully with additional specific details and examples.
cohesion
Refine coherence and cohesion: The ideas connect reasonably well, but the essay would benefit from more sophisticated linking phrases and a better-structured argument. For example, the transition between economic reasons and skill development could be smoother.
organization
Clear structure: The essay has a clear introduction, body paragraphs addressing various points, and a conclusion that summarizes the main ideas.
task
Relevance to the task: The essay stays on topic throughout and addresses both of the main questions regarding reasons for moving abroad and potential future consequences.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.