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Band 6.5

Doctors recommend that older people exercise regularly. However, many of them do not get enough exercise. What are the reasons? What can be done to encourage them to exercise more?

#doctors #people #exercise
Nowadays, we can see and hear a lot of different advice from doctors, slogans and movements that encourage us to exercise. It is especially common to hear advice from doctors for the elderly. But many older
people
 have many different reasons not to exercise.
Such
 as heart disease, joint problems and many other different health problems. But there are
also
 older
people
 who just don't want it. And that's why many relatives are thinking: "What should we do to get them to do at least some physical exercises?" Well, first of all, if you've thought about it. It is necessary to understand what an elderly person can and cannot do. To do
this
, you need to visit a doctor who will help you determine
this
.
And
Correct word choice
After
show examples
after
this
 important action, it is necessary to understand where and how to get an elderly person to play
sports
. There are many different groups for
this
 action. Which combines many different elderly
people
. At
first,
you will have to force him or her to go there. But after a certain amount of time, an adult should get used to it and
thus
 develop the habit of attending groups with like-minded
people
 who
also
 play
sports
. And
thus
 we can come to the conclusion that there are many different reasons not to play
sports
, but even with them you can play
sports
. You just need to know which one. And in order for an elderly person to start playing
sports
, it is necessary to force him or her to do it. Because without it, habits are not developed.
Submitted by samedovateacher on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt but could benefit from providing more specific examples or detailed reasoning to support the main points. For instance, discussing particular types of exercises suitable for older people or citing studies could enhance the depth of your response.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical structure by organizing your essay into clear paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph has a central idea and flows smoothly into the next. This will make your argument more persuasive and easier to follow.
introduction conclusion present
You have provided a clear introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well.
logical structure
The essay presents a logical sequence of ideas, making it relatively easy to follow.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • motivation
  • physical limitations
  • lack of time
  • fear of injury
  • exercise facilities
  • misunderstanding
  • benefits of exercise
  • social support
  • poor health conditions
  • awareness
  • appropriate exercises
  • guidance
  • financial constraints
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