WRITING TASK 2 You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic: Many countries have compulsory military service for young men after they leave school. It would be a good idea for all countries to adopt this system for men, and possibly for women too. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 words.
In many parts of the world young fellows are required to join the armed forces after leaving school.
While
a number of people think that this
is a necessity, I would argue this
fact. In this
essay, I am plannig
to explore a few perspectives to substantiate my point.
On the one side, I completely agree with the obvious statement that each Correct your spelling
planning
country
should have its own army to defence
the Replace the word
defend
boarders
from the Correct your spelling
borders
intervation
of potential enemies. Correct your spelling
intervention
For example
, if a country
has unfriendly neighbours, it would be vitally
to have a strong army. To clearly explain Change the word
vital
this
, Israel is a country
under martial law where even girls can become soldier
.
Fix the agreement mistake
soldiers
On the other hand
, I firmly believe that military service should not be compulsory for everyone, especially if there is no need to worry about the safety of the polity. For example
, in my country
, graduates are required to serve in the military, and to control this
, our government has to impose restrictions, such
as not issuing them passports, to ensure that all young people complete the appropriate military service. In my opinion, this
is a violation of individual rights. For instance
, I personally know a family whose son was struggling outside of his country
due to
not having a passport.
Taking into account all considered above, I would like to summarise that the above-mentioned statement is arguable, and there are facts both in favor
of Change the spelling
favour
this
statement and against it. Although
military service may be considered compulsory in some cases, I believe that in general everyone should have the freedom to do so.Submitted by ruben.kirakosyan on
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Task Achievement
Your essay has a clear position throughout, but developing your main points further would enhance task achievement. Consider elaborating on why you view military service as unnecessary in certain contexts with more depth, perhaps by exploring alternative forms of national contribution or comparing it with other countries' approaches.
Coherence & Cohesion
A more explicit introduction and conclusion that directly address the essay question can make your stance stronger. For example, end your introduction with a sentence clearly stating your opinion on the matter. Similarly, your conclusion should succinctly reiterate your position and summarize why you hold that stance, based on the arguments presented.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay's logical flow can be improved by using a wider range of cohesive devices and better paragraphing. While your essay is structured well, introducing transitional phrases like "Moreover," "Furthermore," or "As a result," can help create smoother transitions between sections. Also, ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.