IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that anyone can make art( painting, music, poetry) while others believe people with specific ability can. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #anyone #art #music #poetry #ability
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in the modern era, people believe that
art
 is gifted by birth
while
 others oppose it and say that hard work makes a person perfect in every aspect of life. The following paragraph highlights both perspectives which will lead to a logical conclusion. on the one hand,
specialty
Change the spelling
speciality
show examples
 in any abstract comes from hard work and courage to do
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
things because when a person wants to do them they will do them when they put
an
Change preposition
in an
show examples
 effort and struggle to
do
Correct pronoun usage
do them
show examples
.
However
,
art
 can be taught and learned with different sources like websites, YouTube tutorials, and practice.
Furthermore
, in abstract
art
; individuals take classes to learn about musical instruments and their uses, many universities and
art
 schools teach the keys and skills,
while
 in poetry many colleges offer courses to learn about poetry.
For example
, in Pakistan, approximately 65
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of students prefer to be perfect in
art
. I believe
art
 can be done by hard work and the courage to learn about it.
On the other hand
, some people are god gifted in
art
 which can be done by talent.
In addition
, foster kids do many specialize in painting, singing, and drum playing because the skills come from their genes.
This
 makes it possible for anyone to create something that could be appreciated.
For example
, many reality shows at any age of people specialize in painting, playing
piano
Change the article
the piano
show examples
, and good in many other activities.
to sum up
, for
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 aforementioned reasons, I think both have their importance in society but the ones who learn about it are more able to appreciate it because they spend their time and money on it.
Submitted by alviusman18 on

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task achievement
Your introduction is clear, but it would benefit from being slightly more specific and engaging. Perhaps include some background information or context about the debate around the nature of artistic ability.
task achievement
The ideas in your essay are good, but some parts could be clearer. Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea, and double-check that your sentences are easy to understand.
coherence and cohesion
Though the essay flows fairly well, improving the organization and structure of your paragraphs can help. Use more cohesive devices and make sure each idea links logically to the next.
task achievement
Providing more specific examples can strengthen your argument. The examples about Pakistan and reality shows are good; try to include more examples to support your points further.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion concisely sums up your points, which is good. However, making it slightly more substantial by briefly reiterating the main ideas would make it stronger.
task achievement
Your essay presents both sides of the argument fairly, which shows a balanced perspective.
coherence and cohesion
You have used some good linking words and phrases to connect ideas, which helps the flow of your essay.
task achievement
The examples you used, such as those about Pakistan and reality shows, add value to your arguments and make them more convincing.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • democratize (v) - to make something accessible to everyone
  • innate (adj) - inborn; natural
  • subjective (adj) - based on or influenced by personal feelings, tastes, or opinions
  • resonant (adj) - deep, clear, and continuing to sound or affect
  • recognition (n) - acknowledgement of someone’s status or merit
  • acclaim (n) - enthusiastic and public praise
  • self-taught (adj) - having acquired knowledge or skills without formal education or training
  • formally trained (adj) - having received education or training in a structured and official program
  • appreciation (n) - recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something
  • amateurs (n) - individuals engaging in an activity without professional skill
  • artisan (n) - a worker in a skilled trade, especially one that involves making things by hand
  • aesthetic (adj) - concerned with beauty or the appreciation of beauty
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