Nowadays, the way people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the type of relationship that people have? Has this become a positive or negative development?
There is no doubt, that modern
thechnologies
have changed many spheres of our Correct your spelling
technologies
life
, including the way of Fix the agreement mistake
lives
interacting
among people. Despite Wrong verb form
interact
of
some positive effects, the phenomenon has Change preposition
apply
the
negative trend, and Correct article usage
a
this
essay explore
it.
Change the verb form
explores
To begin
with, the impact on children will be considered as the dissadvantage
of technologies. Correct your spelling
disadvantage
disadvantages
In other words
, children have stoped
Correct your spelling
stopped
spend
spare time with peers; gadgets, online Wrong verb form
spending
videogames
, and social Correct your spelling
video games
medias
are more riveting than outdoor activities. Correct your spelling
media
For instance
, my daugher
Correct your spelling
daughter
instead
of interracting
with other children Correct your spelling
interacting
plays
Change the verb form
play
roblox
videogame every day. In Change the capitalization
Roblox
contast
, deprivation of gizmos stimulates her to play with neighbouring girls. Correct your spelling
contrast
As a result
, the
Correct article usage
a
law
number of teenagers Correct your spelling
large
practices
sport, attends additional classes, and Correct subject-verb agreement
practice
walks
with other individuals.
Correct subject-verb agreement
walk
In addition
, the influence on adults is also
destructive, people decrease significantly the number of offline meetings, deteriorating the quality of such
timespending
. Correct your spelling
time spending
time-spending
This
is because colleags
and relatives prefer to chat Correct your spelling
colleagues
in
Change preposition
with
messangers
, and, Correct your spelling
messengers
moreover
, do not qualitively
Correct your spelling
qualitatively
interract
with each other Correct your spelling
interact
on
meetings, surfing Change preposition
in
in
their phones. Change preposition
on
For instance
, yesterday in the restourant
I saw Correct your spelling
restaurant
the
couple, members of which looked at phones all night long, Correct article usage
a
were
not speaking with each other. It is hard to deny, that forty years ago people talked a lot, because they did not have gadgets.
In conclusion, modern developments have Correct word choice
and were
the
negative effects Correct article usage
apply
such
as decreasing offline social interraction
of kids in lite of the Correct your spelling
interaction
appearence
of videogames and Correct your spelling
appearance
as
the falling of Change preposition
apply
adults
live interraction because of Fix the agreement mistake
adult
existing
of Replace the word
the existence
messagers
.Correct your spelling
messages
Submitted by sergeybelov83 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear response to the task, but there are some issues with coherence and cohesion. Try to ensure that your essay has a logical flow and that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. For example, using linking words and phrases can help guide the reader through your essay more effectively.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but could be stronger. The introduction should succinctly present the main argument and preview the points you will discuss, while the conclusion should summarize the key points and reaffirm your position. Currently, both could benefit from being more detailed and clearly structured.
task achievement
While you provide relevant examples, your main points need to be better supported with evidence and detailed explanation. Take the time to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph to make your argument more persuasive.
task achievement
Pay attention to your grammar and spelling, as errors can impact the clarity of your writing. Consider using spell-check tools and proofreading your work to catch mistakes such as 'thechnologies' instead of 'technologies' and 'dissadvantage' instead of 'disadvantage.'
task achievement
You have addressed the task and provided relevant examples to support your points. This is a great start.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure has clear main points, and each paragraph focuses on a specific aspect of the topic. This improves readability.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...