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Writing Samples
Band 8

Many people believe that children who grow up with little money are more equipped to deal with the problems life throws at them, in comparison to the kids who are born in wealthy families. This essay aims to substantiate this assertion.

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On one hand, children born in not-so-affluent families, grow up experiencing life without any luxuries and are more prepared to face the problems that might arise in the future. Many renowned entrepreneurs including Mukesh Ambani have addressed the fact that poverty is the greatest teacher and the biggest motivator. When a person has minimal facilities, they learn to be more appreciative of whatever they have,
moreover
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, it pushes them to
work
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 hard to achieve the things they have been missing.
However
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,
on the other hand
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, children with wealthy parents have all the amenities since birth. Because they have never had to struggle, and most things were presented to them on a silver platter, they think it is their right, and often neglect the
work
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 and effort put into it.
Furthermore
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, it makes it hard for them to accept any small inconvenience.
For instance
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, if there are electricity issues in a locality, a child who grew up in a poor family and experienced these
while
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 growing up would be able to adapt quickly to
this
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 situation and would try to
work
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 around it.
However
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, a rich child would rather get much more uncomfortable and would not know how to deal with the solution.
Therefore
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, an inconvenience as small as a short power supply outage can depict that privileged kids have a hard time adjusting to the world on their own. In conclusion, I completely agree that wealthy kids are much more dependent on other people to help them with their
work
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, and find it hard to tackle problems on their own,
however
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, children from poor families learn to overcome struggles from an early age, and
thus
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 know how to navigate difficult situations.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task well by discussing both sides of the argument and providing a clear conclusion. However, try to develop each point further with more detailed examples or studies where relevant.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Nonetheless, smoothen transitions between some ideas to improve the overall flow of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and is well-elaborated. This will enhance the reader's understanding and make your argument more compelling.
introduction conclusion present
The essay starts with a clear introduction that sets up what will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
supported main points
You have provided specific examples, such as mentioning Mukesh Ambani, which adds credibility to your argument.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay and reiterates your stance clearly, providing a cohesive end to the discussion.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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