IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

The best way to solve the world’s environmental problems is to increase the cost of fuel. Do you agree or disagree with this view?

#world’s #cost #fuel
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Some people support the idea of increasing the cost of gasoline in purpose to overcome various world environmental problems. I will express my view of aspects and discuss them. On the one hand, the widespread of fuel has a huge impact on the environment.
Firstly
, the emission of these
fuels
 in the air could affect animal and human respiratory systems.
Additionally
, there are various kinds of planets that die because of the fuel emitted by
cars
 and factories.
For example
, manufacturing and industry produce a lot of burning fossil
fuels
 which leads to the greenhouse effect and it led to enormous consequences
such
 as global warming and climate change.
Therefore
, the rise in the value of
this
 gasoline could assist in protecting the society and environment.
On the other hand
, the implementation of these
fuels
 in our lives contributes to the development of different types of facilities and manufacturing.
Furthermore
, there are an immense of solutions, starting with electric
cars
 which have become popular recently among citizens in Germany. Nowadays there are different alternatives which assist individuals in reducing their consumption of
fuels
.
Secondly
, encourage the family to use one car
instead
 of sperate into two or more.
For instance
, Korea was one of the countries that motivated their residents to own their electric
cars
instead
 of regular
cars
. In conclusion, I completely agree with the balance between using
this
 gasoline. Promote the people to reduce their use of these
fuels
 encourage the community about it and raise their knowledge about all the dangers that could cause to the environment. Raising of cost could help in pursuing the individual to reduce their consumption.
Submitted by rraghad.b on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph presents a clear main idea and directly supports your thesis.
task achievement
Ensure that your reasoning and examples are specific and well-developed to convincingly back up your points.
coherence cohesion
Consider using a variety of complex sentences to improve the flow and clarity of your arguments.
task achievement
The essay attempts to address both sides of the argument, which is commendable.
coherence cohesion
There is an introduction and conclusion, which helps to structure the essay.
task achievement
The essay includes some relevant examples, which can help to illustrate points.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • disproportionately affect
  • renewable sources
  • solar energy
  • equity in environmental policies
  • exacerbating social inequalities
  • incentivizing
  • subsidies
  • strict regulations
  • industrial emissions
  • sustainable local production
  • carbon footprints
  • punitive measures
  • sustainability efforts
  • robust and lasting changes
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