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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.

The charts below show the changes in ownership of electrical appliances and amount of time spent doing housework in households in one country between 1920 and 2019.
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In the first chart, it can be seen the percentage of households with electrical appliances
such
Linking Words
 as washing machines, refrigerators, and
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaners.
According to
Linking Words
 the chart, in 1920, almost no one had a refrigerator in their house.
However
Linking Words
, through the years, it can be said that the number of people who had refrigerators had increased and, in 1980, 100% of individuals had a fridge.
Moreover
Linking Words
, only 30% of the population had a
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaner in 1920,
while
Linking Words
 %40 of them had a washing machine. Both the
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaner and the washing machine users were %70 in 1960.
However
Linking Words
, the ratio of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
washing machine users remained the same,
while
Linking Words
 the whole population had the
vacuum
Use synonyms
 cleaner in 2000.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the second graph shows the number of hours of housework per week between the years 1920 and 2019.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 spending time on housework is decreasing year by year. Even if people spent 50 hours per week
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 housework in 1920, they only wasted 10 hours per week in 2019. In conclusion, it can be said that new technological development can make people save time because if the number of electrical devices increases, the time
of spending
Wrong verb form
spent
show examples
 to clean will decrease.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however, while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words vacuum with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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