IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Movies and television have more negative effects than positive effects on the way young people behave. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

#movies #television #effects #people #support
Nowadays,
young
Correct article usage
the young
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 generation
watch
Change the verb form
watches
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 television for long hours, suffering from the
influence
 of movies and bad
news
.
This
 essay agrees that screen contents cause negative
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
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in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 young people and
discuss
Correct subject-verb agreement
discusses
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 the main
repercussion
Fix the agreement mistake
repercussions
show examples
 that screen contents have on them.
A
Correct article usage
The
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 first detrimental effect of movies and
televion
Correct your spelling
television
 can act as an
influence
. Films and
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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programms
Correct your spelling
programmes
programs
 can
influence
 our opinion, and
particulary
Correct your spelling
particularly
 children and teens are much more likely to be impacted than older adults because they are still developing and shaping their worldviews.
This
 effect is detrimental because rather than develop their own ideas and ideals, governments can plagiarize the young mind pushing them to think and act like they want. A secondary school teacher has
shows
Wrong verb form
shown
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 how after the vision of the movie "Arlo", 25% of students changed their opinion about government from negative to positive.
Furthermore
, the
news
 constantly
report
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reports
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informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
 about crimes and climate
changes
Fix the agreement mistake
change
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.
Those
Correct determiner usage
This
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 bad
news
causing
Wrong verb form
causes
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 stress and depression in young people, making them sceptical about the future and the authorities. Exposure to climate change
news
 during childhood can have long-lasting effects throughout the lifetime.
For example
, a national USA study found an increased risk of poor mental health and anxiety among children before the age of ten
due to
 the
faer
Correct your spelling
fear
fair
 of
chimate
Correct your spelling
climate
 change
Correct word choice
and
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future consequences. In conclusion, screen content
such
 as films,
tv
Correct your spelling
TV
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 programs and
news
influence
 the opinion of
young
Add an article
the young
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 generation.
Moreover
, the exposition
at
Change preposition
of
show examples
 bad
news
 related to crimes and climate change
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 increasing
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
 and
teenagers
Change noun form
teenagers'
teenager's
show examples
 mental health.
Submitted by veronicabello on

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grammar
Review grammar and spelling errors, such as 'televion' instead of 'television' and 'programms' instead of 'programs.'
content
Clarify and expand upon some points to strengthen the argument. For instance, provide more specific examples and detailed explanations to fully develop the ideas presented.
coherence
Improve the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs to enhance overall coherence. Ensure that each paragraph builds upon the previous one in a clear and logical manner.
structure
Enhance the introduction by briefly outlining the main points that will be discussed in the body of the essay.
structure
The conclusion can be expanded to summarize the main points more effectively and reinforce the thesis statement.
content
Clear stance on the topic is presented in the introduction.
examples
Relevant examples are provided, such as the mention of the movie 'Arlo' and the USA national study.
task response
The essay covers multiple aspects of the prompt, addressing both movies and television news.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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