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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people believe that those moving abroad should try to adapt themselves to the new cultures. While some think that there is no need to do so. Discuss both view and give ur opinion.

#people #cultures #think #ur
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Some individuals think that immigrants should adapt their lifestyle to that place's culture
while
 others suggest that there is no necessity for that.
This
 essay agrees that it would be better for
foreigners
 to follow new
cultures
 at least in public places. On the
one
 hand, many people believe when an individual moves to another country, that person should focus on a new culture. There are many different nations in the world and each of them has a unique lifestyle based on their morals and values, which makes
cultures
 differ from each other.
One
 action or behaviour may be accessed as something good in
one
 country,
while
 it may be understood negatively in other countries. Owing to that idea, adapting new culture would easier immigrants life.
However
, recent researches by Columbia University demonstrate that 85.2% of
foreigners
 change their mindset and lifestyle in accordance with their living place's norm.
On the other hand
, some believe that there is no need for
such
 changes. Supporters of that idea mostly think that everybody should be free and live the way he or she wants and their decisions should not depend on
one
's opinion. So, the main purpose here is to save multiculturalism in society as an important phenomenon.
Moreover
, many people welcome new
cultures
 and even find it interesting to learn something new about them. Statistics of the latest interviews of CNN show that 78.4% of citizens of New Hampshire welcome
foreigners
 and their heritage.
To conclude
,
although
 some individuals welcome
foreigners
 with their
cultures
due to
 tolerance, I completely agree that immigrants should adapt to new
cultures
.
Submitted by i.nureddinn on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding your point of view. However, some ideas could be further elaborated to provide more comprehensive support for your arguments.
task achievement
Try to present more specific examples or evidence to illustrate your points clearly. This will strengthen your arguments and provide a more compelling case.
task achievement
You have a balanced discussion of both views, which shows that you can objectively consider different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main point of view, adding coherence to your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cultural integration
  • Sense of belonging
  • Local customs
  • Social etiquette
  • Cultural groups
  • Job opportunities
  • Cultural identity
  • Personal well-being
  • Heritage preservation
  • Cultural diversity
  • Globalization
  • Multicultural societies
  • Two-way street
  • Excessive adaptation
  • Psychological health
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