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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people say that we must send our parents to old age home when they reach 60. However other think that they must be taken care at home. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

It is a privilege to have the company of
parents
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 even in their later
stage
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stages
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 of life. Some say that
parents
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 of older
age
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 should be sent to nursing
homes
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.
While
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 others opine that they should be taken
care
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 of at their residency.
This
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 essay will delve into both opinions and will present my own suggestion
along with
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 a conclusion. In
this
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 modern era, there are
number
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a number
the number
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 of nursing
homes
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 and old
age
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care
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 centres available
according to
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 the needs of individuals. People who think that It is best to accommodate their
parents
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 in the nursing home because of their hectic schedule.
For example
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, If a husband and wife both work in some kind of organisation, it becomes very hard to take
care
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 of their
parents
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while
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 they are at their jobs.
Consequently
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, It can lead to a fall or any other injury in their absence.
Hence
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, the motive of sending their
parents
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 to old
age
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 is quite reasonable.
However
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,
this
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 lifestyle does not fit into other people's life. They believe that
parents
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 should be taken
care
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 of at their own
residency
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residences
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 because of the negligence of nursing
homes
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 they often heard of.
For instance
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, there was a news published in "The New York Times" that a resident was found dead in his room because of a fall caused by
slippery
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a slippery
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 floor which was completely ignored by the staff members.
Therefore
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, people are afraid of sending their
parents
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 to old
age
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homes
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also
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 they do not want to send them away from their eyes. In conclusion, I believe sending
parents
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 to old
age
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care
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 has both pros and cons.
However
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, depending on
situation
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the situation
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 of a family It can be decided whether someone is available at home to take
care
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 of them,
otherwise
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, nursing
homes
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 take good
care
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 of the residents. Lately,
number
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a number
the number
show examples
 of improvements have been made to resident's bill of rights so that families can be assured that their loved ones will be well taken
care
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 of.

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relevant specific examples
Work on providing more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will add depth and credibility to your arguments.
clear comprehensive ideas
Ensure that all main ideas are clearly and fully developed. Some points could be expanded further for clarity.
logical structure
Strengthen the logical structure by making transitions between paragraphs smoother. This will improve the overall flow of the essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states the topic and sets up the discussion well.
complete response
You have provided a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and provides a final opinion.
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