Nowadays, it is easier for young people to have a credit card compared to the past. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

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The conditions of having a
credit
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card
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have become more convenient for young people in recent years,
whereas
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banks implemented very strict rules in the past.
While
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there are some drawbacks, the upsides of promoting
credit
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cards to young individuals in an easy way,
such
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as exclusive offers from supermarkets and online
shops
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shops,
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can far outweigh
its
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their
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downsides,
such
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as the risk of having huge financial debts.
This
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essay will elaborate on both sides with relevant arguments and examples. On the one hand, some supermarket chains and online stores offer considerable discounts for
credit
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card
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users,
while
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cash payers cannot access them. They collaborate with some global
card
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companies,
such
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as Visa and MasterCard, encouraging
card
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users to shop at their stores by decreasing their products' prices at a noticeable level. To illustrate, Costco, which is a well-known supermarket chain, provides significant discounts and payback options for Visa holders, which is particularly useful for students who cannot afford to buy expensive food at full price.
As a result
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, these collaborations provide considerable price advantages for young adults when they use their
credit
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cards at
partnership
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partner
stores.
On the other hand
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, having financial freedom at a young age can lead to serious debt problems. Since they can easily obtain many
credit
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cards from different banks,
such
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as RBC and TD, they spend too much money
due to
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limited financial experience.
For instance
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, banks provide a
credit
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card
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limit of 1,000 CAD, enabling young adults to spend
this
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money without any restriction.
Thus
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, they may spend their entire limit at once and face a serious debt problem. In conclusion,
although
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easily obtaining a
credit
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card
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has some disadvantages, I firmly maintain that
upsides
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the upsides
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far outweigh the risk of serious debt because a
credit
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card
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provides an affordable shopping experience for young adults who have limited budgets.

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task response
Your main view is clear, but the good side needs more support. Store deals can save money, but they may not be a strong enough reason to say that easy credit cards are more good than bad. Add a wider point, such as safe online pay, help in an urgent time, or a chance to build good money habits.
task response
Be more careful with the idea that card users can buy food they cannot pay for. A credit card does not make food truly low cost; the money must still be paid back, and extra charges may make it cost more later. Explain when the deal is useful and when it is not.
task response
The bad side is clear, but you can make it more full. Say what may happen after a young person spends all the money: late pay fees, extra interest, stress, and a poor credit record. This will make your point more real.
task response
Your examples are on topic, but some are too exact and not fully explained. The Costco, Visa, RBC, and TD examples work best if you clearly show how they prove your point, rather than only naming them.
coherence and cohesion
Use links in a more natural way. You use words like 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'For instance', and 'Thus' well, but some sentences can join more smoothly. For example, explain the cause, then the result, in the same order.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences have too many ideas. Split them into shorter sentences so the meaning is clearer. For example, the first sentence can be made into two sentences: one about easier access and one about your view.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the key words the same. You use 'young people', 'young individuals', 'young adults', and 'students'. Choose one main term, such as 'young people', and use it through the essay unless you need a different group.
coherence and cohesion
The ending repeats your view well, but it should sum up both main points more clearly. State that debt is a real risk, then explain why the wider good points still matter more.
task response
You give a clear view from the start: the good points are stronger than the bad points. You also cover both sides and give an example for each main idea.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, one good point, one bad point, and ending. Each body paragraph has one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general
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