IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

It is now possible for scientists and tourists to travel to remote natural environments, such as the South pole. Do the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#scientists #tourists #travel #environments #pole #development
It becomes easier for people to reach many faraway destinations,
for example
, the South Pole.
While
 I agree that a drawback may be drawn from
this
 phenomenon, the benefits still overshadow it. On the one hand, travelling to remote areas brings out many good results.
To begin
 with, it can widen the horizon of humans. Having the opportunity to set themselves in many separate environments, people will be wiser in many fields.
For instance
, after having been to the South
pole
Capitalize word
Pole
show examples
, travelers will know how to deal with the cold weather or when they visit a strange jungle, they can make
decision
Add an article
a decision
the decision
show examples
 whether a wild fruit is edible or not. Another supporting point is that
this
 is a suitable chance for many countries to develop their economy. When a new place is discovered, a large number of visitors will come there to immerse themselves in the beauty and
characteristic
Fix the agreement mistake
characteristics
show examples
 of the place. By
this
 chance, the governments can come up with various ways and policies to boost the economic industry
as well as
 popularize the image of their nations.
On the other hand
, it will be a hard time for the newly explored position as it may face difficulty. Welcoming a huge number of visitors can put the site, especially its environment at risk. The extinction of animals, plants or pollution will be some of the disadvantages which the authorities owning that venue will have to address when opening the door to customers from all over the world. In conclusion, the local governments have to find the key to
solve
Wrong verb form
solving
show examples
 environmental destruction but they still receive more advantages when having the new venue as it not only can broaden the knowledge of human beings but
also
 can peak the income of the economy of a nation.
Submitted by quynhtranhbh on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Make sure your essay addresses all aspects of the task. You've presented both advantages and disadvantages, but the development of specific and relevant examples was limited. Consider including detailed instances or case studies to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Organize your paragraphs clearly with a single main idea for each one. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and follow it with supporting sentences. Use a range of cohesive devices accurately, and vary their usage to avoid repetition.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: