Eating too much sugar is harmful for health. Some people think that it is government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think that it is individual responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

eating too much
sugar
is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
show examples
health. some
people
think it is
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
government
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government's
show examples
responsibility
to limit
people
's
sugar
consumption,
while
others think that it is
individual
Add an article
an individual
show examples
responsibility
to limit the amount of
sugar
they eat. some
people
see that the
government
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government's
show examples
responsibility
and say that the
government
should limit the selling
sugar
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of sugar
show examples
in markets and put taxes on
sugar
. on the other
side
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side,
show examples
their
Correct your spelling
there
show examples
many
people
say that eating
sugat
Correct your spelling
sugar
too much
the
Add a missing verb
is the
show examples
responsibility
of the person who
buy
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buys
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it and
use
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uses
show examples
it. in my
opinion
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opinion,
show examples
i
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I
show examples
see it
the
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as the
show examples
responsibility
of the person more than the
government
because he
buy
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buys
show examples
it
by
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with
show examples
his
conset
Correct your spelling
consent
counsel
.
Submitted by kndr112231 on

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coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, work on developing a clear essay structure. Start with an introduction where you present the topic and your thesis statement. Follow it with body paragraphs discussing each viewpoint in detail, and conclude with a summary of your opinion.
task achievement
Enhance task achievement by providing more comprehensive ideas and relevant examples. After presenting each viewpoint, use specific instances or research to back up your points. This makes your argument stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
You've addressed both viewpoints and presented your own opinion, which is a good start.
coherence cohesion
Your language use, while needing improvement, clearly communicates your main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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