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Writing Samples
Band 5

Parents are putting a lot of pressure on their children to succeed. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#parents #pressure #children #development
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Mothers and fathers want their
children
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 to succeed so they they put much
pressure
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 on them.
Moreover
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,
this
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 trend is caused by many reasons. In my opinion, I think
this
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 is a positive development. There are plenty of aspects that lead to
this
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 phenomenon.
First,
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every parent wants their
children
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 to succeed and they want their
children
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's studies to be simple, so students' graduation will be easier so that they can get good jobs.
Second,
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parents
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 want to earn respect from other people. It can be seen that, if
children
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 succeed, their
parents
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 will be admired.
Parents
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 want their
children
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 to finish their dreams.
For example
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, mothers and fathers can not become pianists so they hope their
children
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 to continue their unfinished dream.
Children
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 will be motivated by putting a lot of
pressure
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 because they need to succeed to satisfy their
parents
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' expectations. Putting
pressure
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 can train
children
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's personalities because it can encourage
children
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 to try harder and be more responsible to complete their goals. In conclusion, mothers and fathers want their
children
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 to reach the targets so they put
pressure
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 on them.
Besides
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,
this
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 tendency is raised for tons of reasons. I think it is an advantageous development.
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

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task achievement
The essay addresses the task but would benefit from adding further specifics and depth, particularly in the supporting points.
coherence cohesion
While the essay maintains a logical structure overall, adding a few more linking phrases and transitions between ideas could enhance coherence and cohesion.
task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples and perhaps a counterargument to offer a balanced viewpoint, which would enhance the argumentation.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea that is well developed with relevant examples and analyses to improve coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant to the topic, which provides a good frame for the essay.
task achievement
The essay generally stays on topic and provides reasons and some examples, which demonstrates a decent understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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