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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

In some countries there are more young people choosing to enroll in work-based training instead of attending university. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#countries #people #university #situation
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In
this
 day and age, the young generation in some nations prefer to be an apprentice rather than studying in the university. I am in favour of
this
 trend because
this
 allows/avails
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
 to pick up professional skills from the workplace and
also
 they can have less financial burden by getting paid.
Firstly
,
people
 can learn faster as they are involved in the working surroundings.
For example
, the best way to learn cookery is to work in a professional kitchen and see how experienced chefs deal with and cook ingredients.
Likewise
, if
people
 want to be automobile mechanics, the more they practice on a real vehicle, the more familiar they can be with the structure and parts of a car.
This
 can help them to accumulate hands-on experiences and be ready for their profession in the future.
Secondly
, it is a financially wise option to learn from work. Getting an
education
 from working-based training is cheaper than universities.
Besides
,
people
 get paid
while
 they are in apprenticeship,
this
 can be income for their living.
Moreover
, they earn money after they accomplish the apprenticeship, they can utilize the money for
further
education
 or acquire a second speciality.
This
 is not only economical but
also
 affordable for
people
 to pave their way for
education
. Some
people
 may argue that the
education
 in the university is more thorough than working-based training.
Nonetheless
, the majority of
people
 still focus on one profession after they graduate from the university. In conclusion,
this
 not only aids
people
 to learn pragmatically but
also
 relieves financial pressure for them. I reckon that
this
 is a win-win situation for
people
 who choose working-based training.
Submitted by wendy190427 on

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introduction
Consider refining your introduction to be more engaging. Start by talking about the overall trend or context before stating your opinion. This can grab the reader's attention more effectively.
clear comprehensive ideas
Enhance the clarity of your ideas by organizing your essay into clear paragraphs with distinct arguments. Each paragraph should start with a strong topic sentence that summarizes the main point.
relevant specific examples
Though your examples are relevant, try to include a wider variety of examples. This would show the range of your knowledge and provide stronger support for your arguments.
logical structure
Your essay is well-structured and the argument is clear. Each paragraph has a distinct focus, which aids readability.
supported main points
You provide specific examples to support your main points, making your arguments more convincing.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a strong final statement, reinforcing your perspective.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • skill shortages
  • transition
  • practical skills
  • hands-on experience
  • tailored
  • job satisfaction
  • financial burden
  • earn while you learn
  • long-term career advancement
  • academic education
  • critical thinking skills
  • perceived social status
  • labor market
  • flexibility
  • adaptability
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