Today more and more people are overweight than before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this. What are main affects of this epidemic.

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The past 50 years have seen a dramatic increase in the number of individuals suffering from

obesity

Use synonyms

This

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essay will first explore the main reasons for the climbing proportion of fat

people

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and

then

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present the adverse impacts of

this

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phenomenon.

Firstly

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, the significant reason for increased

obesity

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is the increased work

time

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. Working from eight to five usually at the computer desk

coupled with

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the standard amount of 8 hours for sleeping, leaves less

time

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for other activities

as well as

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exercising, resulting in a lack of adequate physical activities.

Secondly

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, increased fast food consumption is the other contributor to fatness. In modern life, the shortage of

time

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for cooking on the one hand and the affordability of fast food

such

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as hamburgers or fried chicken which are high in fat and salt

on the other hand

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has persuaded many

people

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to substitute them for healthy homemade meals, contributing to increased

obesity

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in society. Not addressing the causes of

this

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issue would lead to financial and health difficulties. Significantly, the epidemic of

this

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issue has decreased the age of affliction to diverse illnesses to younger ages. Ailments

such

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as hypertension, diabetes, high cholesterol and heart attacks used to be prevalent among elders;

While

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these challenges, nowadays, are costing many youngsters their lives.

According to

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statistics from the World Health Organization, the amount of LDL in the blood of 4 of 10

people

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under the age of 30 is more than the norm of 300mg/dl, highlighting the correlation between

obesity

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and health.

Furthermore

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, these ailments impose financial burdens on governments because they have to allocate considerable budget to curing these patients;

While

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it could have been spent on improving healthcare or educational facilities. These difficulties,

therefore

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, would diminish workers’ efficiency and

subsequently

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, productivity in the long term. In conclusion, a lack of free

time

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and an unhealthy diet could lead to different diseases and financial challenges for governments.

Therefore

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, if governments aim to nurture productive and healthy

people

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, addressing

this

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problem should be the first priority.

golriiz23Thu Feb 27 2025

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Task Response

Consider expanding on the introduction to provide a broader context about obesity trends in the last 50 years. This could help set the stage for the arguments made in the essay.

Coherence and Cohesion

Use more linking phrases to enhance the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs, which will aid in guiding the reader through your arguments more smoothly.

Task Response

Adding a few more statistical or real-life examples can further strengthen your points and make them more relatable to the reader.

Coherence and Cohesion

The essay has a clear and logical structure, with distinct sections addressing the causes and effects of obesity.

Task Response

Great use of statistics from the World Health Organization to substantiate your claims; this adds credibility to your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

336 words

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Today more and more people are overweight than before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this. What are main affects of this epidemic.

Your opinion

Air travel can only benefit the richest people in the world. The ordinary people can get no advantage with the development of air travel. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that competition at work, at school and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to cooperate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

It is not necessary to travel to other places to learn about other cultures of other people. We can learn just as much as from books, films, and the internet. Do you agree or disagree?

some individuals advocate for improving public transportation systems as a means to reduce traffic congestion and air pollution. Conversely, others argue that private cars offer more convenience and freedom. Discuss both views and give your opinion.