It is much more convenient to watch a movie on television or computer than buy a ticket and go to the cinema. In the nearest future of the popularity of cinemas will drastically decline. Do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, many
people
are now preferring to enjoy a movie
in the comfort of their homes instead
of going to the movie
house. I believe that the future of cinemas will soon dramatically decrease as there are more comfortable ways which are cost efficient
.
Add a hyphen
cost-efficient
To begin
with, a lot of people
now prefer to watch movies on their television at home as it is more comfortable and free. The movie
house environment can be a bit strict and there is no freedom to do what you feel like doing with the fear of distracting others. For example
, you can not sit with your legs on top of another seat as other people
will be sitting there and you are not allowed to talk as it is disturbing. Moreso, at home
Add a comma
home,
people
can choose the type of movie
they want to watch and in cinemas
you have to watch what they have selected for you which is not fair for everyone.
Add a comma
cinemas,
Secondly
, there are more streaming sites rising which are very cheap and some
of them you do not have to pay anything provided you have the Change preposition
in some
internent
. Correct your spelling
internet
Movie
sites such
as Netfflix
and Prime Correct your spelling
Netflix
video
provide very good quality HD movies and Capitalize word
Video
people
can enjoy with
their families with only one subscription. Correct pronoun usage
them with
In addition
, there are sites like goojara
and sometimes Youtube which can provide free movies and Change the capitalization
Goojara
people
can make some popcorns
and other snacks and enjoy Fix the agreement mistake
popcorn
in
the comfort of their homes.
In conclusion, I totally agree that the popularity of cinemas will decline in the future as there are more affordable ways which are very comfortable and the majority of Correct pronoun usage
them in
people
are choosing those options.Submitted by sisalt100 on
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coherence cohesion
Improve logical flow by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly from one idea to the next. This will enhance the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Support your points with more specific and diverse examples. This will not only demonstrate critical thinking but also strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Expand your ideas more comprehensively. Developing more nuanced arguments will increase the clarity of your essay.
grammar
Double-check for small grammar and spelling errors. For example, ‘Netfflix’ should be ‘Netflix’ and ‘internent’ should be ‘internet'. This will improve the overall readability of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Clear and relevant introduction and conclusion, which provide a strong framework for the essay.
task achievement
You have provided valid points on the advantages of watching movies at home and the potential decline in cinema popularity, addressing the essay prompt well.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite