Some people think that individuals today are more dependent on each other. Others believe people have become more independent. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

there is a debate over whether individuals are becoming more independent
on
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of
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each other
on
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in
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modern society, with some
people
saying that dependence on each other is more beneficial. in my opinion,
people
will always
dependent
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be dependent
show examples
on each other
with
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apply
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emotionally and physically during their lifetime because it is the rule of nature. many
people
think that
depence
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dependence
depend
defence
on
others
are
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is
show examples
inevitable.
in other words
, not everyone
perfect
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is perfect
show examples
at doing
every thing
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everything
show examples
sp
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so
show examples
they might need the help of
others
to complete their work fully. for
examle
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example
, in my
country
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country,
show examples
few
people
are dependent on house helpers for daily chores
such
as cleaning
house
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the house
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and
take
Wrong verb form
taking
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care baby, and no one can
image
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imagine
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a life without them.
this
will not only help our life but
also
makes
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make
show examples
them successful in their future because they are able to concentrate
to
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on
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work.
However
, I
beleive
Correct your spelling
believe
that independence
on
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from
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each other has more sustainable benefits.
people
feel more comfortable when they
alone
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are alone
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and do not depend on
others
for their household
works
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work
show examples
. to be more specific, whether it is
cleaning
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the cleaning
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of
home
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a home
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or fixing
of
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apply
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furniture, everything
being
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is
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done by the person.
for instance
, most
people
in my country are
self dependent
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self-dependent
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and they do not rely on
others
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others'
other's
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help.
therefore
, they are
multi-talanted
Correct your spelling
multi-talented
people
and can fix their
problrms
Correct your spelling
problems
with ease. in conclusion,
this
will always remain a
debate
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debated
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issue.
i
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I
show examples
will stick to my opinion that being depending on
others
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
people
reasonable towards each other because it will help them productively.
Submitted by elbayevazamat on

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coherence cohesion
Enhance your introduction by clearly stating the two perspectives before giving your opinion. This will provide a clearer framework for your essay.
coherence cohesion
Organize your paragraphs better by starting with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point of the paragraph. This will improve the logical structure of your essay.
task achievement
Support your viewpoints with more specific, relevant examples and elaborate on them. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
Work on grammar, sentence structure, and word choice. This will help in conveying clear and precise ideas.
coherence cohesion
You have managed to present both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach.
coherence cohesion
You have included a conclusion that summarizes your stance, which helps in rounding off the essay well.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • interconnected
  • globalization
  • remote work
  • independence
  • dependency
  • specialization
  • professional services
  • social validation
  • individualism
  • self-reliance
  • collective action
  • sustainability
  • global community
  • navigating
  • complexity
  • environmental movement
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