In some countries children take up paid jobs during the summer vacation. Some people feel that this amounts to child labour. Others argue that summer jobs help children learn valuable lessons. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In most countries nowadays, children tend to find paid jobs during their summer break. Even though people view
this
from different perspectives, I believe that it is important for a child to take up a job whenever time permits without having it interfere with their studies. First of all, people tend to think it is important to enjoy their childhood as much as possible, especially during
the
Correct article usage
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vacations as childhood will never come back.
Hence
such
a mindset will lead to thinking working during the school break can be counted as child labour. But as far as it is legal and parents approve, it cannot be considered child labour.
In addition
, younger selves end up enjoying the work and time more since they get to meet school friends and go out even during the break. Apart from that aspect, it is evident that
such
jobs teach a lot of
skills
and lessons that cannot be taught
from
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anywhere else. Networking, working under an employment set-up, punctuality and decision-making
skills
are a few soft
skills
that will be improved in kids if they work during the summer. Apart from
such
skills
, they
also
learn the value of money, how hard it is to earn, what it takes to be employed and its perks.
Hence
such
motivates teenagers to do better in schools and ultimately gives them a goal to study harder and follow their dream jobs
instead
of getting stuck in menial work. So in conclusion, I agree that it is a good idea for kids to take up a job during holidays as it has more advantages towards shaping up a kid's life in a better way
instead
of considering it as a labour exploitation.
Submitted by hashkweerasekara on

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task achievement
While the essay addresses both perspectives and presents a clear opinion, it would benefit from more specific examples to strengthen the arguments. Consider adding real-world examples or hypothetical situations to illustrate points more effectively.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure could be slightly improved by ensuring each idea flows smoothly into the next. For instance, using more transitional phrases can help connect ideas better.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear opinion and provides a balanced discussion of both views.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, encapsulating the main idea effectively.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported, demonstrating a good understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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