IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people think that the media has the right to publish details of people’s views, while others think it should be controlled. Discuss both views.

#people #media #right #people’s
In
this
 contemporary epoch, a large number of individuals believe that it is beneficial to print the
views
 and thoughts of
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
while
 critics do not agree with
this
 notion. In my opinion, personal opinions should never be published.
This
 essay will delve into the reasons behind
this
 and will lead to a logical conclusion as well.
To begin
 with, the most prominent
reaason
Correct your spelling
reason
 to support the first view is that it helps to communicate
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
useful ideas with people who live in society.
For instance
, printing the details related to fitness levels by consuming
proper
Correct article usage
a proper
show examples
 diet
along with
 regular exercise is relentlessly useful for
significant
Change the article
a significant
the significant
show examples
 number of humans who are living a sedentary lifestyle.
Thus
, it is apparent why many are in favour of
this
 trend.
However
, some personal details and ideas
leads
Change the verb form
lead
show examples
 to wrong conclusions and analysis. There are significant chances that people might choose
wrong
Change the article
the wrong
show examples
 trajectory
due to
 the
views
 of certain
influncers
Correct your spelling
influencers
influences
showed
Wrong verb form
shown
show examples
 by media reports.
Moreover
, the use of social sites has become ubiquitous,
a
Correct word choice
and a
show examples
certain number of printed materials might encourage youngsters to enhance the use of
internet
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
 which would have pernicious effects on their future goals.
According to
 my viewpoint, it is not accurate to support the publication of personal
views
infront
Correct your spelling
in front
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society because
some times
Correct your spelling
sometimes
show examples
 it has disruptive effects on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
others
Change noun form
other's
others'
show examples
 mind.
Thus
, it is advisable to control
such
 activities in the nation. Media should focus on the useful materials which contribute towards the development of the country.
To conclude
, as per the testimonials mentioned above it is crystal clear that
media
Correct article usage
the media
show examples
 should not be allowed to print the personal
views
 of individuals because it might exacerbate the
situtation
Correct your spelling
situation
 of young people by providing them
determination
Change preposition
with determination
show examples
 towards
wrong
Correct article usage
the wrong
show examples
 paths.
Submitted by ss6802125 on

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task response
Try to address both views more evenly. Your essay slightly favors your own opinion more, which might make the discussion seem unbalanced.
coherence and cohesion
Work on improving your transitions between paragraphs for better coherence. Using linking words and phrases like 'firstly', 'secondly', 'on the other hand' can help the flow of ideas.
task response
Provide more specific examples to back up your points. This will make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repetition. For example, instead of saying 'significant number of humans', you can reuse words like 'people' or 'individuals'. Varying your vocabulary can help make your essay more engaging.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your opinion, which is well done.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your points and restates your opinion, giving a clear end to the essay.
relevant specific examples
The example about fitness levels is relevant and helps illustrate your point clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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