Some people think most crimes are the result of circumstances like poverty and other social problems. Others believe that they are caused by people who are bad by nature.

#people #crimes #circumstances #poverty #nature

It is argued that

whether

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

crimes were forced by social

situation

Fix the agreement mistake

situations

show examples

people

just borne to be bad. In my

points

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point

show examples

of view, the social circumstance would be the major cause for a person to be a criminal. On the one hand, evidence

suggest

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suggests

show examples

that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

social prosperity is significantly correlated to

crime

Add an article

the crime

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rate. In undeveloped regions,

people

tended to suffer from,

for example

, low social welfare and inaccessibility to healthcare service

resource

Fix the agreement mistake

resources

show examples

Moreover

, lack of education resources would lead to less

competitive

Replace the word

competition

show examples

job

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the job

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market and

elevated

Correct article usage

an elevated

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unemploy rate. In that case,

people

would not be able to secure their basic needs, they are despaired and increasingly vulnerable to

break

Wrong verb form

breaking

show examples

the laws for living.

On the other hand

, it is indeed that some

people

chose

Wrong verb form

choose

show examples

to be

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

criminal

Fix the agreement mistake

criminals

show examples

because

their

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of their

show examples

evil

personality

Fix the agreement mistake

personalities

show examples

, like those who break the law just for fun.

However

, psychologically speaking nobody

are

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show examples

borne

Correct your spelling

born

show examples

to be bad. The character of a person is shaped by their past experience and living environment.

For instance

, childhood abuse may twist a

kids’

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kid’s

show examples

personality and

making

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make

show examples

them easily

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apply

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feel insecure even

though

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apply

show examples

after they grown up. In extreme

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circumstances

show examples

circumstance

Add a comma

circumstance,

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they are commonly to have violent

behaviors

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behaviours

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, in order to make themselves feel safe.

Therefore

, I tend to believe

people

who commit

crime

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crimes

show examples

are essentially a result of the circumstances they were in. To reduce the crime rate it is imperative to secure local education,

welfare

Correct word choice

and welfare

show examples

as well as

building

Wrong verb form

build

show examples

a loving environment for children.

Submitted by kejian_shi on Mon Sep 02 2024

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task response

Ensure to proofread your essay to correct grammatical errors and awkward phrasing. For instance, 'people just borne to be bad' should be 'people are just born bad.'

coherence and cohesion

Structure your arguments more clearly. It can be helpful to explicitly state your arguments at the beginning of each paragraph and then support them with examples and explanations.

task response

Aim to use a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance your essay. This will make your arguments more compelling and engaging.

task response

Provide more relevant and specific examples to support your points. This can greatly strengthen your argument and provide clear evidence for your claims.

task response

Your essay presents a clear stance on the issue and provides a thoughtful argument supporting your perspective.

coherence and cohesion

Both the introduction and conclusion are present, which helps in framing the essay's central argument effectively.

coherence and cohesion

The essay is logically structured and flows well, making it easy to follow your line of reasoning.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

Summary
Restatement of thesis
Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

In conclusion
To conclude
To summarize
Finally
In a nutshell
In general

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
28Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

246 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

6.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

6.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

socio-economic circumstances
poverty
lack of education
unemployment
illegal activities
desperation
social issues
exposure to violence
family structures
inherent
personality traits
lack of empathy
aggression
predilection for risk-taking
affluent backgrounds

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Some people think most crimes are the result of circumstances like poverty and other social problems. Others believe that they are caused by people who are bad by nature.

Include an introduction and conclusion

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Wealthy countries should accept more refugees and practice them with basic assistance, such as food and housing.To what extend do you agree or disagree?

8/1 Some people feel that manufacturers and supermarkets have the responsibility to reduce the amount of packaging of goods. Others argue that customers should avoid buying goods with a lot of packaging. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

the question is people believe that they should be able to keep all the money they earn and should not pay tax to the state. Agree or disagree

some people believe that a gap year between school and university is a good idea while others disagree strongly with. Consider both sides of this debates and present your own idea. You should give reasons for your answer and include ideas and examples from your own knowledge and experience

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+