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Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people aim to achieve a balance between work and other parts of lives, but few people achieve it. What are the causes of the problem? How to overcome it?

#people #aim #balance #work #parts #lives
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There are many
people
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 who
wants
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want
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work
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-
life
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 balance but
a
Rephrase
only a
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few
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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people
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 succeed in
this
Linking Words
 . The main
cause
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 of
this
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 problem is
that
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apply
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overloaded stress at
work
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 and there is a viable solution to
this
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cause
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 is
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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to strictly allocate
time
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 to family and
work
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. The main
cause
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 of the
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work-
Correct your spelling
work-life
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life
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 imbalance is
that
Correct determiner usage
the
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 high pressure of
work
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 because nowadays
people
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 have a lot of responsibilities at the workplace which makes them
to
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apply
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postpone their plans. It happens with many employees who earn
salary
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a salary
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 at the workplace, they can not leave the place unless they have done their things.
For example
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,
Restaurant
Correct article usage
a Restaurant
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 Manager can not leave
the
Correct article usage
apply
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duty until
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
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 responsible person
take
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takes
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 over
him
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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, if any employee
make
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makes
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sick
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a sick
the sick
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 call at
work
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then
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 most likely manager need to stay extra hours to cover their
work
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 ,
therefore
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, sometimes they spend
time
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 more at
work
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 as compared to their personal
life
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. The solution to
this
Linking Words
 problem is
that
Change preposition
to
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 strictly allocate
time
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 to your personal
goals
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as well as
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work
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goals
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. If
people
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 complete their
goals
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 in a given set of
time
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 , it would be easy for them to give their
time
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 to family or other personal development .
For instance
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,
in
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at
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 a family dinner
time
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, all of them spend quality
time
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 with each other without any
work
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 talk,so
this
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 helps to maintain a
blanace
Correct your spelling
balance
balanced
 between
work
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 and
life
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.
Moreover
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,
people
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 could join sports activities which will really help them to relax their mind and it makes them happy when everything
balanced
Add a missing verb
is balanced
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. In conclusion, many
people
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 dream is to
find
Wrong verb form
finding
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 a balance between
work
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 and
life
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 ,
however
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 , only a few
people
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got
Verb problem
have
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this
Linking Words
. The main
cause
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 of
this
Linking Words
 problem is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
work
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 pressure and
the
Remove the article
apply
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we address
this
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 issue by giving particular
time
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 to each
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goals
Change to a singular noun
goal
show examples
.
Submitted by kmlchahal97 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures and avoid repetition of certain phrases to enhance clarity and readability. For example, repeatedly using 'work-life balance' can be avoided by using synonyms or restructuring sentences.
task achievement
Include a clear thesis statement in the introduction. This statement should summarize your main points clearly and concisely. For example, state that 'the main cause is work-related stress, and allocating dedicated time for personal and professional responsibilities can help overcome it.'
task achievement
Your essay successfully identifies the causes of the problem and provides feasible solutions, which shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This helps the reader follow your arguments effectively.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • work-life balance
  • burnout
  • flexible work arrangements
  • remote work
  • unplug
  • boundaries
  • workplace culture
  • societal pressure
  • stress management
  • time management
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