Some people say that physical education classes are an important part of a child's education. Others believe that it is more important to focus on academics during school time. Discuss both views, and give your opinion.

Some people would argue that having regular
sport's
Change noun form
sports
show examples
sessions is beneficial for students, as opposed to some who believe that they should merely focus on their
theorical
Correct your spelling
theoretical
lessons.
Although
, having more
time
and energy for studying might lead to more academic-acheivements,
however
, I believe that physical and mental wellness is the primary priority and
outweigh
Correct subject-verb agreement
outweighs
show examples
the success in exams.
To begin
with, some parents would say that for their children, whose goals are mostly attending STEM, law or health-care majors at college, working out is a waste of
time
. Because if
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
youngsters spend their precious and limited
time
and energy on physical activities, they won't be able to study hard enough. They would be exhausted and burned out.
Consequently
, they won't be able to get into their dream universities.
However
, in my opinion, many students are able to manage their
time
wizely
Correct your spelling
wisely
and set a
scheduele
Correct your spelling
schedule
for both studying and exercising.
On the other hand
, others argue that adolescents should have a chance to grow
every
Change preposition
in every
show examples
aspect of their lives and focusing on only
theorical
Correct your spelling
theoretical
skills would have harmful knock-on effects on their bodies and souls. Working out not only
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
a great impact on one's physical ability but
also
can boost him or his mental health. It helps with building strong muscles,
everyday
Correct word choice
and everyday
show examples
activities and avoiding depression and anxiety.
For instance
, psychologists
unusally
Correct your spelling
unusually
usually
suggest depressed and anxious people
to
Remove the particle
apply
show examples
do frequent cardio exercises. In my view, it is a necessary activity for everyone and can not be overlooked,
specially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
adolescents who are exposed to mental disorders more than adults. In conclusion,
although
some students have big academic goals which
needs
Change the verb form
need
show examples
lots of
time
and energy, I believe they should not skip their gym and exercise classes.
Submitted by golnaz.zv on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Check for spelling errors like 'acheivements,' 'wizely,' 'scheduele,' 'unusally,' and 'theorical.' Spelling mistakes can distract from your overall message.
task response
Consider developing your examples further to provide more specificity. For instance, you could explain how physical education can specifically benefit students academically, as well as physically and mentally.
coherence cohesion
Focus on improving sentence variety and avoiding repetition. Using different sentence structures will create a more engaging and readable essay.
task response
The essay effectively discusses both viewpoints of the topic, which demonstrates a balanced understanding.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly present and concisely summarize your main points.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are logically organized, making the essay easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!