IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that success in sports depends on physical ability while others believe that there are more important factors involved in success in sports. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#people #success #sports #ability #factors
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It is argued by some
people
Use synonyms
 that one of the most momentous
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 for achieving
success
Use synonyms
 in sports is physical situations.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that there are various significant aspects to
gain
Wrong verb form
gaining
show examples
succeed
Replace the word
success
show examples
 in
compititions
Correct your spelling
competitions
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both sides of the argument and I will
also
Linking Words
 present my own idea. Some
people
Use synonyms
 hold the view that the majority of
athletes
Use synonyms
 are successful
due to
Linking Words
 their physical skills.
This
Linking Words
 is because
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
some
people
Use synonyms
 might have experienced a
Use synonyms
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
 conclusion in the same circumstances.By way of an example,
people
Use synonyms
 who are tall can score more goals in basketball matches.
Similarly
Linking Words
,the
athletes
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 with outstretched hands are more
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 in volleyball sport.
In other words
Linking Words
,some
people
Use synonyms
 may have seen several
athletes
Use synonyms
 that their
success
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 related to their physical power in the teams or
compititions
Correct your spelling
competitions
. Whilst,some
people
Use synonyms
 feel that there are a considerable number of points for reaching
success
Use synonyms
.Generally speaking,physical ability is only a part of
success
Use synonyms
 and
people
Use synonyms
 not only need to be hardworking,but
also
Linking Words
 they have to be motivated in order to achieve
success
Use synonyms
 in their
compititions
Correct your spelling
competitions
.In my perspective,a lot of aspects can help
athletes
Use synonyms
 to get their best results
such
Linking Words
 as motivation,persistence and effort.I personally think,
if
Correct word choice
that if
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 have excellent physical skills,they may be
Use synonyms
success
Replace the word
successful
show examples
 in their
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 courses.
However
Linking Words
,it is obvious that some of these
people
Use synonyms
 are not as
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
 as
expectations
Replace the word
expected
show examples
,as they do not follow other points of
successfull
Correct your spelling
successful
.
To conclude
Linking Words
,there is
not
Correct your spelling
no
show examples
 doubt that physical power is so important for getting
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 consequences in sport.
While
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
alternative factors have a huge impact
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 reaching the greatest results.Take struggle as an example.In my view,
hardworking
Correct word choice
hard work
show examples
 and motivation are fabulous
combination
Fix the agreement mistake
combinations
show examples
 that can
conduct
Verb problem
motivate
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 to achieve
success
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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coherence cohesion
While you have addressed both sides of the argument, the transition between ideas can be made smoother with the use of appropriate linking phrases. Consider using words like "However," "Furthermore," or "In addition" to ensure a better flow of the essay.
task achievement
The essay touches on both views and provides your own opinion, which is good. However, it needs more depth and clarity in explaining why you hold a specific stance. Also, the examples provided can be more detailed and relevant.
task achievement
Review the essay for grammatical errors and incorrect word usage, such as "success" when you mean "successful." Polishing these aspects will improve the overall readability and professionalism of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider breaking long sentences into shorter ones to make your ideas clearer and more digestible for the reader.
introduction conclusion present
You have successfully included an introduction and a conclusion that address the essay prompt.
complete response
You have shown a fair understanding of both sides of the argument and expressed a personal opinion, which is essential for Task Achievement.
supported main points
Your essay has a clear structure that includes main points supported by examples, which is crucial for coherence and cohesion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Athletic prowess
  • Endurance
  • Agility
  • Mental fortitude
  • Psychological resilience
  • Strategic thinking
  • Tactical acumen
  • Team dynamics
  • Elite levels
  • Training regimen
  • Nutritional intake
  • Recovery practices
  • Competitive edge
  • Natural talent
  • Performance enhancement
  • Under pressure
  • Bounce back from setbacks
  • Quality coaching
  • Facilities access
  • Hard work and dedication
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