In many cities, young people prefer shopping as a form of leisure activity. Why do you think this happens? Is it a positive or negative development.

In the majority of big towns, teenagers consider buying something the best action to do in
free
Correct pronoun usage
their free
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time
, because for
youngers
Correct your spelling
younger
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is the best choice to spend
time
with friends quietly and without
think
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thinking
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much
what
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about what
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they have to do.
Moreover
, the setting,
when
Correct word choice
where
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the majority of shops are located, is so suggestive
and
Correct word choice
apply
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especially in the centre of the city , the town heart. In my opinion is a good activity because youngers can discover part of the city,
walking
Wrong verb form
walk
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in the
shop
streets, and
inderectly
Correct your spelling
indirectly
can observe the history of towns.
For
example
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example,
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I have been in Dublin for 15 days
in
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on
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a study holiday and after doing a lot of activities, my group and I had some free
time
so we went to the main street to go shopping,
while
we moved from one clothes
shop
and another ,in the sinner of
small
Add an article
the small
a small
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road near the
shop
, I heard a strange melody and ,moving in music direction, I found a fantastic group of street musicians with really traditional clothes who sang the best music I have never heard
,
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apply
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after they explained some ancient myths contained in songs.
However
this
trend
about
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of
show examples
shopping
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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negative aspects because when you always go out to buy
somethings
Fix the agreement mistake
something
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can become a more expensive activity, so we must control it,
for
example
Add a comma
example,
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we can substitute some
time
with
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
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free
activies
Correct your spelling
activities
activity
. Certainly, is an anchor when you are so annoyed and
also
you
wouldn't do nothing
Rewrite the sentence
wouldn't do anything
would do nothing
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, especially when there are discounts
for example
with my friends I used to go to
shop
outlet
Fix the agreement mistake
outlets
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near my hometown that always have precious but cheap products which have a perfect proportion
Change preposition
of cost-quality
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cost-quality
Correct your spelling
cost quality
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. In conclusion, I explain why shopping is diffused
in
Change preposition
among
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young people and I consider it a good activity.
Submitted by matteosolito03 on

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supported main points
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clear comprehensive ideas
Focus on clearer articulation of ideas. Ensure that each point is thoroughly explained for better comprehension.
complete response
The essay responds adequately to the task by addressing reasons why young people prefer shopping and discussing both positive and negative aspects.
relevant specific examples
The essay includes relevant specific examples, such as the personal experience in Dublin, which enrich the discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • disposable income
  • leisure activity
  • retail therapy
  • local economies
  • fashion trends
  • peer pressure
  • social status
  • environmental impact
  • consumption
  • waste
  • materialistic
  • cultural activities
  • prominent
  • neglect
  • therapeutic
  • social media influence
  • boost
  • desire
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