In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

Children are convinced they can manifest anything they crave if they invest abundant action in various cultures worldwide.

Although

Linking Words

this

Linking Words

measure creates numerous resilient and mentally strong individuals for society, it ends up backfiring on some groups of people. In

this

Linking Words

essay, the upper side and downside of

such

Linking Words

a mindset will be discussed.

To begin

Linking Words

with, optimistic psychological implementation is of great significance for personal development.

For example

Linking Words

, gymnastic athlete Simon confronted her mental block after she failed in the Tokyo Olympic Games by taking actions mentally and physically. During the whole process, all she ever did was train harder and believe in herself.

Moreover

Linking Words

, it is the law of nature to achieve anything with consistency. The attraction law

also

Linking Words

proved that our energy frequency matches the identical level of achievements,

as a result

Linking Words

, anyone can gain exactly as they wish if

puts

Correct subject-verb agreement

put

show examples

enough belief to drive actions. It highlights the importance of self-belief, illustrating the self-serving role of a positive mentality.

However

Linking Words

, as much as a resilient mind could enable us to the positive path of success, it could generate adverse effects. There is a fine line between stamina and abuse. Excessive practice is detrimental to health, causing burnout since it makes people only concentrate on actions

instead

Linking Words

of reflection.

For instance

Linking Words

, body injury of athletes

due to

Linking Words

over-training and mental issues of students caused by brain overuse.

Consequently

Linking Words

, some might develop anxiety or depression disorders

due to

Linking Words

excessive workload. In conclusion, even though holding a strong belief could inject momentum to make us thrive and evolve, the belief itself must be paired with some extent of self-reflection to strike a balance. It is more of a two-sided catalyst to motivate us, and we must stay conscious.

d22093870Tue Sep 03 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement

You have addressed the task reasonably well, providing both advantages and disadvantages of the topic. However, your ideas would benefit from more elaboration and clearer connections to the main message. For instance, the examples provided, such as that of the gymnastic athlete, should be integrated more seamlessly into your argument.

coherence cohesion

While your essay is generally coherent and logically structured, there are moments where transitional phrases or clearer signposting could help guide the reader more effectively. Phrases like 'on the other hand' or 'consequently' would improve the flow of ideas. You might also consider shortening or combining some sentences to avoid overly complex or cumbersome expressions.

task achievement

Your introduction effectively sets up the topic and presents a balanced view that considers both the advantages and disadvantages of instilling a hard-work mindset in children.

coherence cohesion

Your conclusion succinctly wraps up the essay, reinforcing the importance of balance between hard work and self-reflection.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5

6.5

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

6.5

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.5

Complete response

6.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

6.5

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

289 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

Topic Vocabulary:

achieve
try hard
positive mindset
self-belief
motivates
ambitious goals
resilience
determination
confidence
self-esteem
growth mindset
unrealistic expectations
disappointment
failure
effort
hard work
seek support
individual differences
abilities
capabilities

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

6.5
band
In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
There is an argument from some parts of the world that to achieve what they want and need, they have to work hard on it. In my opinion, this can give kids some encouragement to reach their own dreams and they are dedicating most of their time to it. However, from the statement, I believe some of them can be stressed since they do not have time to play and they would think it’s a mess if they had a failure.
7
band
As the internet becomes more popular, newspapers are becoming a things of the part. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Paper publications have lost their popularity by increasing the well-liked level of the internet. Although the newspaper has still a credible reputation, I firmly believe that the Internet is far more useful than tabloids.
7
band
As the internet becomes more popular, newspapers are becoming a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.
It has become increasingly common for people to access the news electronically rather than with traditional print media with many commentators suggesting that this could spell the end for newspapers. I would agree with this and think that in the future newspapers will disappear.
7
band
You recently bought a piece of equipment for your kitchen but it did not work. You phoned the shop but no action was taken. Write a letter to the shop manager. In your letter •● describe the problem with the equipment •● explain what happened when you phoned the shop •● say what you would like the manager to do.
I am writing this letter to inform you that I purchased a microwave oven in your shop last Tuesday and tried it on the same day only to find out that it's not working. It seems like the cable is loose because it was not fitting properly.
7
band
Some argue that patriotism is the primary cause of wars globally. Others feel that it serves to prevent less ethical politicians from running a country and starting wars. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Few people proclaim that international wars are predominantly bound to happen due to the nationalism of an individual, whereas others perceive that it assists in eradicating unethical political bodies from ruling a state and provoking warfare. In my opinion, I support the latter argument because I believe nationalism is an utmost attribute that an individual must possess to serve their own nation better.

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Your opinion

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

As the internet becomes more popular, newspapers are becoming a things of the part. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

As the internet becomes more popular, newspapers are becoming a thing of the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Some argue that patriotism is the primary cause of wars globally. Others feel that it serves to prevent less ethical politicians from running a country and starting wars. Discuss both views and give your opinion.