In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?
Children are convinced they can manifest anything they crave if they invest abundant action in various cultures worldwide.
Although
this
measure creates numerous resilient and mentally strong individuals for society, it ends up backfiring on some groups of people. In this
essay, the upper side and downside of such
a mindset will be discussed.
To begin
with, optimistic psychological implementation is of great significance for personal development. For example
, gymnastic athlete Simon confronted her mental block after she failed in the Tokyo Olympic Games by taking actions mentally and physically. During the whole process, all she ever did was train harder and believe in herself. Moreover
, it is the law of nature to achieve anything with consistency. The attraction law also
proved that our energy frequency matches the identical level of achievements, as a result
, anyone can gain exactly as they wish if puts
enough belief to drive actions. It highlights the importance of self-belief, illustrating the self-serving role of a positive mentality.
Correct subject-verb agreement
put
However
, as much as a resilient mind could enable us to the positive path of success, it could generate adverse effects. There is a fine line between stamina and abuse. Excessive practice is detrimental to health, causing burnout since it makes people only concentrate on actions instead
of reflection. For instance
, body injury of athletes due to
over-training and mental issues of students caused by brain overuse. Consequently
, some might develop anxiety or depression disorders due to
excessive workload.
In conclusion, even though holding a strong belief could inject momentum to make us thrive and evolve, the belief itself must be paired with some extent of self-reflection to strike a balance. It is more of a two-sided catalyst to motivate us, and we must stay conscious.Submitted by d22093870 on
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task achievement
You have addressed the task reasonably well, providing both advantages and disadvantages of the topic. However, your ideas would benefit from more elaboration and clearer connections to the main message. For instance, the examples provided, such as that of the gymnastic athlete, should be integrated more seamlessly into your argument.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally coherent and logically structured, there are moments where transitional phrases or clearer signposting could help guide the reader more effectively. Phrases like 'on the other hand' or 'consequently' would improve the flow of ideas. You might also consider shortening or combining some sentences to avoid overly complex or cumbersome expressions.
task achievement
Your introduction effectively sets up the topic and presents a balanced view that considers both the advantages and disadvantages of instilling a hard-work mindset in children.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly wraps up the essay, reinforcing the importance of balance between hard work and self-reflection.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?
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