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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people argue that parents should have a strong influence on their children's choice of friends and partners. Others believe that young people should make these decisions independently. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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A lot of humans believe that
parents
Use synonyms
 should play a significant role in shaping their children's choices of friends and partners because they want to be sure that they are safe, but it can break the relationships between
parents
Use synonyms
 and juveniles .
While
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 , others argue that young individuals should have the freedom to make these decisions on their own, as in the future there will be nobody who can help them, so they have to learn to make the choices independently but it can lead to bad group and consequences . Both perspectives have their merits and the essay will discuss them before presenting my own opinion.
To begin
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 with, mothers and fathers want to know and save their children from bullying and abuse by their soulmates,
moreover
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, it can affect their connection .
That is
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 to say, they want to control everything ,even in making main decisions, by protecting teens.
For example
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, research from a website named psycholog.ru shows the
parents
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 of a young girl, called Tuana , who has a bad relationship with her father and mother because of controlling her everywhere. Meanwhile, the
parents
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 told her about the danger of being friends with anonymous strangers, so they should know everything in detail to
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
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not make it happen.
On the other hand
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, each person has his own life and opinion, so, in coming there will be no one who can help.
As a result
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, it is much more likely to learn it from their own experience, as it can be helpful with self-confidence . But it can be problematic, as teenagers may have things they don't want to share with their moms and dads. Which can lead to bad consequences for the company.
For instance
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, the BBC has shown a boy ,named Jack, who was bullied in school by his classmates . They betrayed him and beat him up after school. In conclusion, it is safer and calmer for adults to know what their children are doing and in what social circle. But
this
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 can lead to bad results,
such
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 as the relationship between them. In my opinion, everyone is able to make their own choice and if they need help or advice they can turn to their elders.

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coherence and cohesion
Use clearer topic sentences to establish the main ideas of each paragraph. This will guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Add more connecting phrases and transitions between sentences and paragraphs for better flow.
task achievement
Provide more elaboration on the examples to fully illustrate your points and make them more convincing. Include more detailed reasoning behind why the examples are relevant.
task achievement
The essay presents clear opposing views and provides personal opinion, which is a strong structure for a discussion essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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