Some people think the developments involving the Internet have brought people closer together while others think that people And communities have become more isolated. dicuss both the views and give your opinion.

It is often argued that
people
who
use
the Internet become more isolated. But, there are many
people
say
Correct pronoun usage
who say
show examples
that the Internet
let
Correct subject-verb agreement
lets
show examples
them close to each other. I think that it is really necessary to have a social life. In
this
essay, I will discuss both views.
First,
people
who think that the Internet
let
Verb problem
makes
show examples
people
more isolated have their own reasons.
For example
, they spend a lot of
time
using
Correct pronoun usage
their phone
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
, I know somebody who
use
Correct subject-verb agreement
uses
show examples
their
phone
for 12 hours a day, and the result is, he
become
Change the verb form
becomes
show examples
more
Correct article usage
a more
show examples
isolated person he
do
Change the verb form
does
show examples
not love to go outside or
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
in the garden like the other guys again.
In addition
, it is bad for
health
Correct pronoun usage
your health
show examples
if you
stayed
Verb problem
spend
show examples
a long
time
using
phone
Correct article usage
a phone
show examples
, so, there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
no benefits
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
using
phone
Add an article
the phone
a phone
show examples
for
long
Change the article
a long
show examples
time
it will make you more
isolate
Wrong verb form
isolated
show examples
and lonely person. On the other side. there are many
people
do
Correct pronoun usage
who do
show examples
not
use
their
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
a lot of
time
, they like to hang out with their friends,
also
, they like to
exercising
Change the verb
exercise
show examples
and play football,
hopefully
Add the comma(s)
hopefully,
show examples
that I am not using my
phone
too much, I just check if my parents called me
then
I lock it up, so, because of that I have more close to
people
. In conclusion. In my point of view, I think that there
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
people
use
Correct pronoun usage
who use
show examples
Correct pronoun usage
their phone
show examples
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
for a long
time
in
Change preposition
during
show examples
the day but they have
social
Add an article
a social
show examples
life, it really depends on the person.
Furthermore
, you need to control yourself in using
phone
Correct pronoun usage
your phone
show examples
. Both views have their advantages and disadvantages.
Submitted by bcynfn159 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

grammar
Work on improving grammar and sentence structure. There are several grammatical errors and awkward sentences that make the essay difficult to read in places. For example, 'he do not love to go outside' should be 'he does not love to go outside.'
coherence
Improve coherence by ensuring ideas flow logically. Right now, the essay jumps between points without smooth transitions. Using linking phrases and organizing your points logically would help.
examples
You attempt to provide examples to support your points, which is good for explaining your reasoning.
task
You fully address the task by discussing both views and providing your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: