IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays many people prefer to shop in supermarkets rather than small shops or local markets? Is this positive or negative for development? Discuss and give your opinion.

#people #shop #supermarkets #shops #markets #development
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It is often argued that there are many
people
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 who see shopping in
supermarkets
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better
Change preposition
as better
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 than local markets or small
shops
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. For me, I prefer shopping in the supermarket for many reasons. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both
people
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opinion's
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opinions
opinion
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.
First,
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people
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 who say shopping in
supermarkets
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 are better than small
shops
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 have many reasons and actually, I am one of them.
For example
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, there are many
people
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 who like open
spaces
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 and want to enjoy their time there. There is a study about what human loves in small or big
spaces
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, they study 1000
brain
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brains
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 and the result is most of them favour huge
spaces
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. So it is good for the owner to have many
people
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 in his supermarket,
also
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, he will get a lot of money if he knows what the customer
prefer
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prefers
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.
In addition
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, if the customer like the
supermarkets
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 the owner will have more money
then
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 it will be considered a development for the country. On the other side.
People
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 who prefer small
shops
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 or local markets have different reasons.
For example
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, there are
people
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 who want everything fast, they do not want to move the whole supermarket just to take only one thing.
Furthermore
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, it is not considered a development because owners who build small
shops
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 do not get as much as
supermarkets
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. In conclusion. In my point of view, I see that
supermarkets
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benefits
Correct subject-verb agreement
benefit
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are
Unnecessary verb
apply
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more than local
shops
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 and small
shops
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 benefit,
also
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, for the country's development it is better to have more
supermarkets
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 than have small
shops
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 everywhere because
people
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 love to have huge
spaces
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.
Submitted by bcynfn159 on

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complete response
Ensure you discuss both views in more depth. While you provided arguments for both sides, they were somewhat limited and need more development.
logical structure
Improve the coherence and clarity of your arguments. For instance, explain the connection between enjoying open spaces and preferring supermarkets more clearly.
relevant specific examples
Expand on your examples. For instance, instead of broadly saying 'there is a study about what human loves in small or big spaces,' provide more specific details about the study’s findings.
introduction conclusion present
The essay clearly starts with an introduction and ends with a conclusion, providing a structured format.
clear comprehensive ideas
You've provided arguments from both perspectives, which shows a balanced approach.
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