These days, many people in western countries are obese. What are the causes and solutions of this problem?

#people #countries

In the current

world

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world,

show examples

a large

Change preposition

apply

show examples

number of

people

have

been

Verb problem

become

show examples

obesity

Replace the word

obese

show examples

where they live in

first world

Add a hyphen

first-world

show examples

country

Fix the agreement mistake

countries

show examples

. why is

this

happening

and

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

This

is mainly because of

unhealthy

Correct article usage

an unhealthy

show examples

diet

and math metal issues. There are a number of solutions which should be implemented to deal with

peple

Correct your spelling

people

in developed

country

people

who has overweight.

Firstly

, the reason for obesity in developed countries is the unhealthy

diet

. In modern

society

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society,

show examples

fast food processed

foods

and

high sugar

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high-sugar

show examples

foods

are widely available.

In other words

, these

foods

are cheap and easily having that leading

people

to choose

these unhealthy

Change the determiner

this unhealthy diet

these unhealthy diets

show examples

diet

Secondly

Add a comma

Secondly,

show examples

peple

Correct your spelling

people

psychological factors

also

owing to

leads

Wrong verb form

lead

show examples

them overweight. To put it simply many

people

through

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apply

show examples

overeat

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overeating

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to relieve emotional stress especially

choosin

Correct your spelling

choosing

choosin'

high fat

Add a hyphen

high-fat

show examples

and

high

Correct word choice

apply

show examples

calories

Change the noun form

calorie

show examples

foods

. There are two effective solutions to the problems of

first world

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first-world

show examples

country

people

obesity. One way to tackle

this

ensure

Change the verb form

to ensure

ensuring

show examples

that

goverments

Correct your spelling

governments

government

promoting

Wrong verb form

promote

show examples

healthy eating habits through education To illustrate schools or workplaces can organize the benefits of a

balance

Correct your spelling

balanced

show examples

diet

event Another method of dealing with physical activity.

Goverments

Correct your spelling

Governments

can

promotes

Wrong verb form

promote

show examples

active lifestyles

such

as marathon road cycling The solution would

hopefuly

Correct your spelling

hopefully

reduce

people

's fat and

them

Change the pronoun

their

show examples

emotional stress. In

conclusion

Add a comma

conclusion,

show examples

promoting

healthy

Add an article

a healthy

show examples

diet

and

also

organizing physical activity events are effective in dealing with

this

issue If

Correct your spelling

governments

government

goverments

Correct your spelling

governments

implemented these solutions

developed

Change preposition

in developed

show examples

country

Fix the agreement mistake

countries

show examples

people

overweight would soon drop

Submitted by s_syedy on Wed Sep 04 2024

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grammar

There are a number of grammatical and syntactical errors that need correction. For example, "have been obesity" should be "are obese".

examples

Your essay would benefit from more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention a specific unhealthy food item or a successful government program promoting healthy eating.

structure

Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically to the next. For example, discuss psychological factors and their impact on obesity in more detail.

structure

The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the topic well.

content

The main causes and solutions for obesity are addressed, showing an understanding of the issues.

content

Efforts to promote healthy living through education and physical activities are well noted.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

Introduction
Body paragraph 1 – Problems
Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

One of the first problems of the...
Another problem that needs to be considered...
A possible solution to this problem would be...
One immediate practical solution is to...

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
36Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

233 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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These days, many people in western countries are obese. What are the causes and solutions of this problem?

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Developing countries require help offered by international organizations to ensure healthy and sustainable development. Some people think that financial aid is important. Others believe that practical aid and advice are more important. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays many students are participating in international exchange trips. Is this a positive or a negative development?

Some people believe that school education should be focused on academic subjects, which are good for childiren's future, and subjects like music and sports are useless. In my opinion, subjects such as music and sports are useful and effictive for spirtual and physical development for children.

Many developed countries are giving financial aid to poor countries. However, this hasn’t solved the problem of poverty in these nations and so other types of help are needed. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

Poor infrastructure hinders under-developed countries from progressing and modernising. Some people think that this should be the first problem tackled by foreign aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?