IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

These days, many people in western countries are obese. What are the causes and solutions of this problem?

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In the current
world
Add a comma
world,
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 a large
of
Change preposition
apply
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number of
people
Use synonyms
 have
been
Verb problem
become
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obesity
Replace the word
obese
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 where they live in
first world
Add a hyphen
first-world
show examples
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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. why is
this
Linking Words
 happening
and
Correct word choice
apply
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This
Linking Words
 is mainly because of
unhealthy
Correct article usage
an unhealthy
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diet
Use synonyms
 and math metal issues. There are a number of solutions which should be implemented to deal with
peple
Correct your spelling
people
 in developed
country
Use synonyms
's
country
Use synonyms
's
people
Use synonyms
 who has overweight.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the reason for obesity in developed countries is the unhealthy
diet
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. In modern
society
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society,
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 fast food processed
foods
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 and
high sugar
Add a hyphen
high-sugar
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foods
Use synonyms
 are widely available.
In other words
Linking Words
, these
foods
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 are cheap and easily having that leading
people
Use synonyms
 to choose
these unhealthy
Change the determiner
this unhealthy diet
these unhealthy diets
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Secondly
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Secondly,
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peple
Correct your spelling
people
 psychological factors
also
Linking Words
 owing to
leads
Wrong verb form
lead
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 them overweight. To put it simply many
people
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through
Change preposition
apply
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overeat
Change the verb form
overeating
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 to relieve emotional stress especially
choosin
Correct your spelling
choosing
choosin'
high fat
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high-fat
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 and
high
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
calories
Change the noun form
calorie
show examples
foods
Use synonyms
. There are two effective solutions to the problems of
first world
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first-world
show examples
country
Use synonyms
's
people
Use synonyms
 obesity. One way to tackle
this
Linking Words
 is
ensure
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to ensure
ensuring
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 that
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
government
promoting
Wrong verb form
promote
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 healthy eating habits through education To illustrate schools or workplaces can organize the benefits of a
balance
Correct your spelling
balanced
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diet
Use synonyms
 event Another method of dealing with physical activity.
Goverments
Correct your spelling
Governments
 can
promotes
Wrong verb form
promote
show examples
 active lifestyles
such
Linking Words
 as marathon road cycling The solution would
hopefuly
Correct your spelling
hopefully
 reduce
people
Use synonyms
's fat and
them
Change the pronoun
their
show examples
 emotional stress. In
conclusion
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conclusion,
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 promoting
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
 and
also
Linking Words
 organizing physical activity events are effective in dealing with
this
Linking Words
 issue If
Correct your spelling
governments
government
goverments
Correct your spelling
governments
 implemented these solutions
developed
Change preposition
in developed
show examples
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 overweight would soon drop

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grammar
There are a number of grammatical and syntactical errors that need correction. For example, "have been obesity" should be "are obese".
examples
Your essay would benefit from more specific examples to support your points. For instance, mention a specific unhealthy food item or a successful government program promoting healthy eating.
structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically to the next. For example, discuss psychological factors and their impact on obesity in more detail.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the topic well.
content
The main causes and solutions for obesity are addressed, showing an understanding of the issues.
content
Efforts to promote healthy living through education and physical activities are well noted.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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