Some people think that family life and parents have great influence on children’s development, while others consider that external influence plays a more important role in children’s life. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

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It is certainly true that young ones play a crucial role in the growth of any country. Most people are divided on the issue of whether children are influenced by family members or outsiders. I shall put forth both aspects with my view in the upcoming paragraphs. First of all, parents play a significant role in the life of any youngster by shaping their behaviour and beliefs, as they act as a child's first teacher after birth. Children learn most of the things by observing family members. They always try to copy from activities performed by their elders because they spend most of their time with them.
For instance
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, a child may learn about respect, politeness, and other moral values as their parents treat their grandparents in front of them.
On the other hand
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, friends, teachers, and the media teach about the socialization process. It
also
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gives them a chance to analyze different perspectives about a single topic, which always helps them to build up their own personality.
Moreover
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, educational institutes provide them with vast knowledge of various skills,
such
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as problem-solving, critical thinking, and communication, which are very important for personal development.
Additionally
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, peer pressure
also
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creates a deep impact on their personal selection, sometimes much more than parental influence.
To sum up
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, I believe that parents are very important for the development of the young ones in the early stage of life, but there are
also
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so many aspects of life that they can learn from external resources.

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coherence and cohesion
You have structured your essay well with a clear introduction and conclusion. Use linking words to connect your ideas more smoothly.
task achievement
While your points are valid, ensure that each point is fully developed and supported with more specific examples to strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states the topic and your intention to discuss both sides, which sets a positive tone for the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay gives a balanced view by addressing both family and external influences on children's development.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • influence
  • development
  • values
  • beliefs
  • behavior
  • moral compass
  • social skills
  • nurturing
  • emotional intelligence
  • self-esteem
  • resilience
  • socialization
  • perspectives
  • identity
  • peer pressure
  • guidance
  • formal learning
  • critical thinking
  • problem-solving
  • cultural factors
  • societal factors
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