IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that zoos are cruel and should be closed down. Others, however, believe that zoos can be useful in protecting wild animals. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often held that
zoos
Use synonyms
 should be closed down
due to
Linking Words
 their workers’ cruelty.
While
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 think
this
Linking Words
 reason is predominant, others think that wildlife parks can be useful in protecting
animals
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both these points of view and argue in favour of the latter. On the one hand, some
people
Use synonyms
 are of the opinion that zoo employees are violent, so
animals
Use synonyms
 in captivity should be cut down. In my opinion, these thoughts are the consequence of workers’ bad responsibilities.
For instance
Linking Words
, these responsibilities include giving some water, food, etc. Because there are lots of situations when some tourists from other countries come to see wild
creatures
Use synonyms
 like lions, cheetahs and hippos they will not be in their cages or when they will just lie down doing nothing. One clear example of
this
Linking Words
 is when I went to the biggest collection of wild
creatures
Use synonyms
 in our country, there were plenty of beasts that did not have the will to do something.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 group of
people
Use synonyms
 believe that menageries should be cut down.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, other
people
Use synonyms
 admit that
zoos
Use synonyms
 have lots of useful things for protecting their
animals
Use synonyms
. If we say more specifically, these
people
Use synonyms
 believe that
zoos
Use synonyms
 can protect the species that are in danger of disappearing.
For example
Linking Words
, we can take snow leopards. In our country, Kazakhstan, there are only a few of these
animals
Use synonyms
 and they were entered into our red book. The red book is the book with the list of disappearing
creatures
Use synonyms
. Snow leopards live in the mountains in Almaty in the south of Kazakhstan, so we can see these beasts from the zoo
that is
Linking Words
 located in Almaty when I was in the Almaty zoo I saw these species too and I was shocked. Because, if we compare other
animals
Use synonyms
 in
zoos
Use synonyms
 from other cities, they were in good condition and totally active for a long time.
That is
Linking Words
 why the other group of
people
Use synonyms
 admit that
zoos
Use synonyms
 are good for protecting wild and disappearing
creatures
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, there were lots of debates arguing that
zoos
Use synonyms
 are cruel,
while
Linking Words
 others think that
zoos
Use synonyms
 are useful for providing better conditions for beasts. Personally, in my point of view,
zoos
Use synonyms
 are the best for all .

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Consider providing more detailed and varied examples to support your points. This will strengthen your argument and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Some sentences are a bit long and could benefit from being broken down into shorter, more comprehensible segments. This will enhance coherence and readability.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion by clearly stating both sides of the argument and your position.
logical structure
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, making it easy for the reader to follow your arguments.
supported main points
You provided personal examples which help to illustrate your points and engage the reader.
introduction conclusion present
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points discussed and restates your opinion, providing a strong ending to your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • animal welfare
  • conservation
  • captive breeding
  • habitat
  • ethical issues
  • zoochosis
  • endangered species
  • genetic diversity
  • reintroduction programs
  • wildlife education
  • sanctuary
  • natural living conditions
  • artificial environments
  • behavioral enrichment
  • ecosystem
What to do next:
Look at other essays: