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Band 7

Rich countries often give financial aid to poor countries, but it does not solve the poverty, so some people think that rich countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than the financial aid. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#countries #aid #poverty #people
Nowadays many people argue that to tackle poverty in third world
countries
, developed
countries
 should find other alternatives rather than focusing on financial support alone.
This
 essay will critically discuss
further
 about
this
 topic
.
Rephrase
further.
show examples
 First and foremost, by providing financial help, underdeveloped
countries
 can use
this
 money to support the basic needs of their citizen. To explain
this
, many
countries
 strived to provide basic needs like food and clean water for their people.
Consequently
,
this
 will lead to starvation, growth stunting and even death. Notably, nutritious meals and clean water can prevent these from happening.
Next,
financial support can be used to build essential infrastructures
such
 as hospitals and schools.
As a result
, the citizens will be helped from the immense difficulties they are mired in. Turning to the next point, money is not the panacea for everything. Providing expertise to help with the economic growth of a country is another measure to curb financial difficulties in underdeveloped
countries
. Most importantly,
this
 is to identify barriers to the country's development and to help the respective
countries
 to plan.
Furthermore
, be it investments or business ventures, suitable suggestions shall be made by the experts to foster development and strengthen their economy.
Finally
, investing in third-world
countries
 can
also
 help these
countries
 gain profit and create more job opportunities. In a nutshell, financial help is indispensable for third-world
countries
 to curb poverty but other measures
such
 as providing experts and investing in underdeveloped
countries
 will be of paramount importance. I concur that we need to look back at the individual
countries
' suitability to receive the type of help that they require be it money, infrastructure or providing professionals to attain secure economic growth and alleviate financial struggles they are facing.
Submitted by nabilahabdmalek3452 on

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task achievement
Include more specific examples or case studies to strengthen your arguments. For example, mention specific countries where financial aid has worked or hasn't worked, and illustrate how other forms of aid have been successful.
coherence cohesion
Try to link paragraphs more fluidly. Use transitional phrases and sentences to better connect your ideas. This can help to improve the overall coherence of your essay.
task achievement
The essay provides a complete response to the prompt, addressing both financial aid and alternative forms of assistance.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are effectively organized, offering a clear start and end to the essay.
coherence cohesion
Main points are supported with relevant reasons, helping to bolster the arguments presented.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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